MY SPINACH PUFFS!

Pull the lever, Elder Slavens! ...WRONG LEVER!!!!! Levers are weird. How does pulling on a lever make a toilet flush? Science is just so awesome. 

I have had some crazy dreams this week. Dreams of people following me. Dreams within dreams. Dreams OUT of dreams... I'm not even sure what is real and what isn't anymore. But what I do know is that teaching is super hard. I never realized how much missionaries taught before I left on my mission. I don't really know what I thought missionaries did. But teaching people is way fun. 

When we were teaching one of our recent converts to the church who is a 12 year old boy, he kept trying to get us to help him with his English homework. So he would show us a paper, point to a picture of a chair, and say "bush?" and I would just DIE. Then he would point to a picture of a dog, and say "bench?" and I would just lay down on the floor and actually die. Having a good laugh with people is   100

One of the Cambodian sister missionaries here told me my body type looked like the Cambodian language. So I went home and cried about that. 

A lot of the people we teach will just randomly leave and say they aren't coming back until like 3 months later. So it has been super fun getting to know people and teaching them about this gospel that I so love and then they just leave, never to be seen by me again, most likely. So It's been hard trying to get someone to stick with us all the way through to becoming a member of the church, but this week we are planning on baptized our one awesome investigator, and another investigator that was given to us by a member here who wants to marry this gurl real bad, but wants her to be a member first. Atta boy. Maybe I can get them to adopt me. Or to adopt Jack Jack. His heelys would be loved here.  

Nothin else. 

Sincerely, Baby Roy's cousin,

Elder Slavens

​Sweet dreams are made of this. A box from my mom, full of flaming hot cheetos limon. 

 ​Elder Elieson and I dropped some major bills at the American store and bought milk and butter to make no bake cookies. If you try it, you'll like it!

A special birthday note from Dallin

Will you tell everyone on dearelderslavens or whatever that it is my birthday soon and that whoever doesn't write me a letter and send it to me immediately so I get it on my birthday isn't my friend? I just want love. That's all. 

Birthday is June 14

dallin.slavens@myldsmail.net

Elder Dallin J Slavens
Cambodia Phnom Penh Mission
House 2B, Street 222
Off Norodom Blvd
PO Box 165
Phnom Penh
Kingdom of Cambodia

All My Clothes Are Falling Apart But Whatever

ANYWAY WHAT'S UP EVERYONE I LOVE YOU

This week has been ultra chill. We've been putting a bigger focus on the Book of Mormon as the keystone of our message to our investigators and it's just stupid crazy. It's like we plucked out their eyes and put new ones in. It's like they FINALLY flipping understand what we're trying to get them to do! It's hecka cool man. So what we've been doing recently is just going to investigators' houses for like 20 or 30 minutes and reading a chapter or two out of the Book of Mormon. We stop here and there as we read and we discuss things that are happening in the story that apply to our own lives and how we can become better by acting on the things we learn. Santa vaca it is so cool how people react to that. And I don't know why I didn't think of it like a bajillion years ago! But we've started this with 4 investigators and it's like the same story every time - the spirit is ridonculously strong and everybody's bawling and yeah.

We visited one investigator who brought a friend with her, with plans to read the Book of Mormon as previously stated. As we read through the story of the sons of Lehi going back to Jerusalem to recover the brass plates from that doofus Laban I brought up that I thought it was cool that no matter how crazy the situation got, Nephi was always willing and stoked to keep trying and be obedient. The friend of our investigator was like "Wait a sec, I got something kinda different from that. It seems like the first two times they tried, Nephi was just all like 'Yeah, I have this cool idea and I think it'll work, so let's try it,' and it never worked out that way. It wasn't until Nephi stepped back and prayerfully considered the situation that it actually worked out and the job got done. Seems to me that Nephi was a little bit prideful at first and needed to be humbled a bit before God would let everything work out." And I was like DAAAAANG THAT IS SO COOL 'cause we all have different points of view and there are so many different ways to think about it and AH! It was dope 'cause I was just like dang, I never even thought about it that way before and I've read this story like a hundred times! So we all learned something and it just goes to show ya that you never stop learning from the Book of Mormon! It was way powerful and I'm stoked to keep having visits like that. Heck yeah.

So yup, that's my life right now. Keep it chill and keep it simple, whatever that means. It's just what's in my brain right now so I typed it. PEACE.

Elder Slavens

I'm from San Francisco

Temple swag

 Classic P-day - Apples to Apples with President Curtis. A straight riot.

Only on a mission is this considered a prank

The real gangsters

The Bebeish is on patrol

Well well well... We meet again. 

This week I got a blister on my big toe. We played soccer on our P-day, and for those of you who know me well, you know I am super competitive and really good at sports. SPORTS! So I played so hard that blood filled my outer layer of flesh on my meat hunks that I walk on all day. But that's ALL GOOD because afterwards we went and had a family home evening with like A TON of giant Cambodian families, and I performed "A Whole New World" for them. That's what they get for having me sit on a carpet to eat. 

We have one investigator named Chin Kuun Tuan who wants to be baptized so bad. We have taught him all the lessons except one, and he lives super far away, so we decided, "You know what?! We're goin to you!" to finish teaching him so he can get baptized. We drove out in the senior couples car (which was my first time in a car in 4 months) and met him an hour away! He lives on a mango farm, and I am 100% positive that where he lives, they have never seen LDS missionaries before. So they were really shocked to see white people who knew Cambodian. The best was during our lesson with Chin Kuun Tuan, we all took off our shoes, and the Senior Elder had Birkenstock socks. I could hardly focus after I saw those. So cool!!! 

On Sunday, we were going to meet a less active member with a member, but it turned out the member brought all of her friends, so it was Elder Elieson and I riding around town with like 4 or 5 mopeds full of homies following right behind. Seriously, we were the crew. I couldn't get a picture of it. But it was so awesome. I wanted a leather jacket. 

To wrap up, I would like share with you all the type of people who live here. We have a book of all the members or investigators here, and these are the best records I found: A family who got baptized, but they can't come to church because it was "rice season" (it is always rice season here), and they have to "watch their fish". One lady got baptized here, but she can't come to church because on the weekends she leaves to take her husband food. He is living in their second house to guard it. So he guards one house (from who, I knoweth not), and she lives in the other house, but brings him food on the weekends. I guess he just eats during the week. There is also a returned missionary who got excommunicated because he came back from his mission and decided to become a monk. Apparently the leaders of the church here love excommunicating people.There is also a member here who doesn't come to church much named "Dallin". The record said "She will come to church if you give her the duty" LOL  

My week was full of adventure, and I would like to wrap up by giving a shout out to good ole Cody Dunford because I miss that In-N-Out eating machine. See ya all next time, FOOLZ! 

​I recruited these little cuties to help me invite people to English Class

 ​If you are wondering which one is me, just look for the diamond in the rough 

HE IS SUCH A MODEL!!!! Why don't you zoom in and get a good look at his jaw line?

Boots and Cats and Boots and Cats and Boots and Cats and Boots and Cats and Boots and Cats

You know I'm running out of ideas when I put a subject line like that. But no matter, I am not here to come up with clever subject lines, I am here to preach repentance unto the gentiles so izall good.

Finah-frickin-nitly I'm not sick anymore! And neither is my companion! So we hit the ground HARD this week and ran like crazy to make up for lost time. And it paid off, suckas. Good things come to those who wait - no, endure. So chill. Aight, check it. There's this young woman in our ward who was baptized last year, and over the course of time her younger sister and brother have become interested in what her church is all about and stuff. So this young woman came and grabbed us and told us it's time to teach her siblings and baptize them! Woot woot! So we had our first appointment with them this week and it was super dope home boy from the Oak town. They accepted the message like it was donuts and have set baptismal dates for the 6th of June! Their names are Bailey and Zander and I'll probably be discussing them a bit more in the future. 

Hermmmmmm oh yeah! Other than that we have like a bunch of people who are super lukewarm and it's hecksa frustrating so we're 'bout to take it up a notch. We have plans to go visit everyone who's not progressing and be super real with them about our purpose. If they're not down, we're gonna drop it like it's hot. So we're excited about that 'cause either they'll start progressing or we'll have more time to focus on people who really wanna know about Jesus! And with such little time left on my mission I'm really trying to put a big focus on what's most important.

I have made a challenge with myself to span the final few weeks of my mission. I have entered my final transfer as a missionary, and in a crazy act of super-obedience/for funzies I have decided to listen to nothing but MoTab for the last 6 weeks I'm here. I have no idea what the result will be - I may be exalted before I get home or I may have become completely insane. Perhaps a combination of the two. Anyway that will be fun.

Hokay I think that's good for now I love you all from the deepest bottomest part of my corazon and I wish upon you nothing but smiles and joy and magic. Keep it real errbahdy.

Elder Slavens 

Now we're gonna let the talking CHEESE preach to us!

This week, I would like to start my email a little differently. I want to start it special for a special someone. This week was the FIFTIETH birthday of Mont Blanc/The Mont/The Full Monte/I'll make a Mont out of you Monte Slavens. Therefore, I would like to tell any young women to STAY AWAY from him! He is 50 now. Automatically irresistible! So no going near him. 

Lessons this week have been awesome. We have been trying to visit more recent converts to the church to help them grow their faith, and it is basically the best decision ever. We are blessed with unforgettable moments. One house we went to, there is usually just one old guy there alone, but this time we pull up and there is a party of 20 guys, with pumpin Cambodian music, who look at us and yell "HELLO!!!! COME IN!!!" It was just a big circle of guys having a jolly old time. When they saw Americans, they turned "My Heart Will Go On" on repeat for us. My new song of choice. They kept making me dance. "Don't make me dance!" I kept saying. But they kept making me dance. They then asked us to explain about our church. So we taught 20 men who were under the influence. Showed them what it was like to be above the influence. It ended up being one of my favorite lessons. The old guy next to me just took a rag and stuck it on his face while we were talking and started dancing. He said he loved me. 

In another lesson, we went to go teach someone new. He was excited to discuss religion with us. He was excited because he had a church of his own to discuss. His church was him an his family, and he asked us to call him "Marco", his spirit name. He didn't say thank you or goodbye. Only Amen. It was the best thing ever. This was a corndog cult, for sure. I barely made it out with my life. 

Our best lessons were the ones where friends and family of the recent converts came to join in, giving us more people to teach! So now we have a ton of people who want to learn from us, and they are all Cambodian. It is a treat for all. 

I have gotten to learn a lot about the culture this week. Mainly from accidentally offending people. But if Miley Cyrus has taught me anything, then I know that nobody is perfect, so I got to work it. The best cultural aspect is that the head is the most sacred part of the body. And so, when it starts raining, everyone pulls out plastic bags and sticks them over their kids heads. In America, it wouldn't really fly. Here, it's rude if you don't. 

This week I would like to encourage you all to take a moment and enjoy and be thankful for what you have. Elder Elieson and I got a moment to just look at the stars and discuss the constellations of all the ogres. A lot of self reflecting. I encourage all to just take a second, and think of who you are. And who you can become. Think about it. 

Yours truly, 

Elder Forklift foot 

When my bike broke, the need for the selfie sick became much more prevalent. 

Eventually my butt started hurting, so I decided to stand. 

Our house is literally where you go if you want to die. 

They all were fighting over who could wear my helmet. Then they begged for candy. Then they ran away to go dance in the rain. 

AND IIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEIIIIIIIIIIII WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOOOOUUUUUUUU

PRECIOU$$$ 

This Was a Sick Week Too

For rillz man I'm done with all this sickness! Like probably 30 minutes after I sent my email last week I started feeling super off, and sure enough, by the end of the day I was dead in my bed. I was out of commission for about 4 days this week with the same stomach virus that Elder O'Bryant had picked up, the little stinker. It was pretty sketchy actually! I ended up losing like 8 pounds from it, which is way scary and super awesome at the same time. So I'm kinda taking it easy but feeling totally good now so we're about to hit the ground running and teach the masses and baptize all of 'em and yeah yeah yeah.

Despite the fact that I was dead this week, once I was feeling all better we actually saw a bunch of super dope stuff happen. We found a couple of ROCKSOLID families with kids who are super interested, so we're pumped to begin teaching them and see them make those choices that will lead them back to living with their Heavenly Father. At this point there ain't really any big deets to share, so I'll just leave it at that for now.

Mah laff is goooot. I'm digging my mission, and now that this is my last transfer I'm stoked to just go harrrrd and be the best I can before my time out here comes to a close! I love you all mucho!!

Elder Slavens

Feliz Cinco de Cuatro

Yo yo yo yo

I just skyped my family y'all. They are doin good. How are you? I am doin good? tooty toot too. 

So I have decided to take a poll. I have decided I want to immerse myself in the Cambodian culture more. So I am going to grow out one of my fingernails to unnatural lengths. But only one.The question goes as follows: Which fingernail should I grow out? That is all. Email your answers to dallin.slavens@myldsmail.net immediately, also followed by a selfie.

So this week like TOOOOONs happened. We saw crocodiles. Wow! Fun! The King of Cambodia came to Battambang. But also, like I said last week, so did Demi Lavoto. So... Are they the same? #SwitchedAtBirth  

Speaking of crocodiles there was a wacko rain storm and lightening was striking all around us (we almost got hit. I wanted it.) so I FINALLY got to wear my Crocs. HURRAY!!!! But yah, I almost died by being struck by mother natures curling iron. She was not happy. 

I fell on my bike again. It broke like real bad. So while it was in the shop for repairs and tender care I got to ride around on the back of my companions bike. He had to dope me around HA HA!!!!!! But jokes on me, I gave him buff legs. 

Elder Elieson and I spent a solid 10 minutes chasing around a chicken with some family. I couldn't tell if they needed the chicken, or if it was some weird, cruel game. I had fun with it. 

I hope this week for you all feels like you are weightless in the middles of the ocean, surrounded by a million tiny little seahorses. I know it will for me. That's just what happens when you serve the Cambodians. 

Love 4ever, 

Elder you CROC to be kidding me! 

Ps sorry for no pictures. They were really good this week, but I forgot my camera at my house. for sure selfies will be posted next week.

Mother's Day Skype

After weeks of planning we got it worked out that we could Skype 5:30 pm Sunday our time, 6:30 pm Sunday Chancellor's time and 7:30 am Monday Dallin's.  Well you can't really plan that well when you have someone in Cambodia.  We skyped with Chancellor as planned but Dallin never came on.  We tried to get Chancellor to let us Skype him again later when Dallin got on but he said no can do.  He is Mr. Rule Follower.  That's good I guess.  Turned out Dallin wasn't able to find an internet cafe open.  Then when he finally found one they didn't have cameras.  So they had to go on a hunt to buy a camera.  It all turned out in the end but we weren't able to Skype both together.  It was still great talking to and looking at both of them!  What a blessing it is having these two boys serving missions!  

We are so proud of them both!

This Was a Sick Week

BAHAHAHAHA I'm so funny. My subject line was a PUN! You see, it was literally a sick week. As in, my companion Elder O'Bryant was sick like all week. Which was a bummer. Now, it's not like he chose to get sick. So I in no way blame him for the sick week. I love him to death. Nevertheless, he did get sick, and thus, I kinda just sat around for most of this week while he chilled in bed to recover. I watched like all the videos with the Church logo on them imaginable, read a bunch out of the Old Testament (some pretty hysterical stuff to be found in there, by the way), and ate too much. I did try to set up a few appointments and split with other missionaries to get stuff done, but for the most part I was just chillin'.

So this week makes for a pretty boring email I guess. Sorry erruddy I dunno what to do 'bout that. One thing I did learn from all this, however, is how much it IS THE WORST to have to sit around as your mission is coming to a close! It's crunch time, people, I don't have much time left! So I gotta get out there and just teach as many people as I can about the good news, 'cause I don't get to do that 24/7 forever! Dang, that stinks. So I'll be keeping that in mind as time passes and try to get as much done as possible while I still can!

So that's my life. How's yours? Hope all is well. Have a good week and stuff!

Elder Slavens

We've been here before... We're going in circles!

The world is changing... I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air... Elder Slavens must be becoming a stronger Elder day by day.

 

Yes. It is true. I am becoming more powerful. More powerful than ever. Not only my thighs. But spiritually as well.

Ok. So this week was just so cool. So dope, man. We had some really good lessons. In our English class this week, we taught all of our students "Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ATE 9!" and they didn't get it at all. In one lesson to this awesome family, one of the kids cut his hand on something, so he ran inside and came back with a needle and some thread. He then commenced to sew up his hand in the middle of the lesson. I want you all to imagine this other lesson we had. Imagine reading the scriptures with someone in their house, and then all of the sudden a cow walks in to the house, stares at you, burps, turns around, and leaves. Best lesson of my life. We have an investigator who is having a couple of troubles, but luckily we were able to get to his house and teach him. But it was really too bad his neighbor was getting married, because they had a huge party next door with music bumping so loud, that you couldn't hear yourself. What were the lyrics, you ask? Yup. The F word over and over again. But when you focus real hard, you can still feel the spirit. I promise.

 

Battambang has started stormin up somethin real good, recently. It gets super windy, and I almost get pushed off my bike, and when I open my eyes, I get a coating of dirt on my eyeballs. There's always a coating of dirt on my teeth now. But the best is when it starts raining. All the Cambodians put on their panchos and when they get going fast on their motos it looks like the swarm of dementors by the black lake in the Prisoner of Azkaban! The rain is INTENSE!! It's the best! The rats have definitely started trying to take cover too. You can hear them all the time above our ceiling tiles. One day a tile will brake and it's gonna be just like the scene in Ratatouille tee hee.

 

Do you all remember the investigator I told you about who said he had 4 wives, one more on the way, and then he just left and we never heard from him again? Well, he's back. Not back in Battambang. He just called us to let us know that he is going to the young single adults activity that is happening in the main city, Phnom Penh. So that's pretty cool he is still interested in the church! But I'm afraid he might leave the activity with a couple more wives... 5 isn't enough. He is seriously the man. I love all of our investigators and all the members. They are so crazy!

 

Being out here and teaching is so awesome! This week we had the oppurtunity to fast on Fast Sunday, and MAN was that special! When you have specific reasons for fasting it is way cool! You can see the miracles that comes from it. So next month, everyone should be fassting like crazy. I love you all! You are all my best friends! Stay fr3sh

 

Elder Slavens

PS you should all be jealous because Demi Lavato will be performing in Cambodia on May 5th. You can imagine how stoked I am.

An Elder who lived in the house I'm in before me left behind some treasures. I claimed every last one of them.

#iPhoneScreenSaver?

5 people on one moto is the record so far, I think. They're all pretty small, though. 

I'll keep you updated when I see more record breakers.

My dope zone