On Being Poor

This week has been just swell, my friends, I kid you not! That's not to say it hasn't been a stressful one, but what'cha gonna do without a little stress to spice things up?

Why was my week stressful, you might ask? Oh, just 'cause I'm a super poor missionary who has no idea how to budget. If I could just figure out how to NOT spend money the second I get it, my life would be smooth sailing. I figure it's just a God-given malady, a trial you might call it, that I gotta turn around by way of sheer willpower. Once I've got that figured out I suppose you can call me a real man. Not yet though. But either way, here's my story:

I was dumb at the beginning of this month and decided that I could spend most of my mission allowance on stupid things like lotion and fancy toothpaste and whatnot. Who needs food anyway, right? I figured God's not gonna let me starve (I mean, He didn't let me starve either way, but that doesn't justify my spending). So I got about halfway through the month of May and by that point my wallet was dry. That's when I was like uh-oh, maybe I WILL starve after all (again, I am still very much alive, but that makes me no less stupid).

I got through most of the month with my dignity still intact, and a notch higher up on my belt to boot! But here's where it gets good. Last Zone Conference (a big missionary meeting) the mission doctor stood at the pulpit and gave a little speech on stupid things missionaries do to put their health in jeopardy. He talked about two Elders who found a pair of bats fighting in the street, and one of the missionaries decided it'd be cool to take them home and pit them against each other in a cardboard box. He picked them up and was bitten by each bat in each hand, and subsequently was infected with rabies and had to go home. But that story actually has nothing to do with this one, I just thought it was noteworthy. 

Another thing the doctor mentioned was that we actually shouldn't use Q-tips to clean out our ears because it can potentially push excess earwax too far into the ear canal and press it up to the eardrum and cause hearing loss. Technically we should just let earwax fall out of our ears naturally as time goes on. I know, gross, right? That's exactly what I thought when I heard him say that, so I was like dude, whatever, I'm not lissinin to yoo 'jo craysee. So of course, I did exactly what he suggested I not do. I had a lot of earwax buildup bugging me one night, so I whipped out a Q-tip and tried prying it out.

Yeah, it pushed excess earwax too far into the ear canal and pressed it up to the eardrum and caused hearing loss. Exactly as he'd said. So I went about a half a day not being able to hear very well from the left ear, until one smart Elder in my district suggested I put some hydrogen peroxide in my ear and let it set for 5 minutes; that would soften it all up and it would drip out afterward. I tried that, and it ended up liquefying the earwax and letting it settle right up to my eardrum. Once it had hardened back up, I had a wall of earwax up against my eardrum, which essentially made me deaf in that ear. I could hear NOTHING.

So I called the doctor to ask what I should do (because being deaf as a missionary is super inefficient, especially when you hardly understand Spanish as it is), and he basically just made fun of me for 1) not listening to his sound advice, and 2) for actually listening to the unsound advice of that other missionary about the hydrogen peroxide. He told me that I could fix my problem by going to Wal Mart and buying an earwax removal kit for under like 5 bucks.

Problem is, I certainly did not have 5 bucks, or even under it for that matter. I was BROKE. So I had to go through this crazy charade of going over to the house of a member, having the dude call my dad and ask him to put money on my card so that I could buy a thing that ended up being like $2.50. I made inquiries at the bank multiple times that day to check if Dad had put money on it, and apparently the bank didn't like that and started charging me, so by the end of the day I actually was in debt to the bank. The money eventually got on, I bought the stupid earwax removal kit, and now I can hear just fine.

But seriously, SHEEEEESH!

So that was my week. How was yours? In all reality, it has been a super good week for Elder Martinez and I. We met some really cool people and had some great lessons, but this email is way too long at this point, so I'll have to tell you about all that stuff next time! Sorry this is like a billion years long, everyone, hopefully it was entertaining enough to keep you reading and not thinking 'Where the heck is this going??'

I love you all and keep it realz!

Elder Slavens

Thank Goodness for the Family History Center

Otherwise these observed holidays would be the end of my life. I don't even remember what Memorial
Day is.

I feel like my emails have gotten pretty boring as of late! Let's spice this one up with, umm, electrolytes! I have no idea. I guess I'll just talk about my week, and hopefully this time around I've got more pizazz in my writing technique.

This has been a good week, and a hard one all the same! We've had some great lessons, and some trials as well. Just as I like it! Elder Martinez has been having a lot of struggles recently, which has kinda taken a toll on myself, but we're pushing through it! The other day, Elder Martinez looked like he was getting ready to kill someone, so I had to stop in my tracks to help him through whatever. He explained to me that he felt really underappreciated as a missionary and that he just felt like he didn't belong. I did my best to explain that that's just an unfortunate reality of missionary work, and that there will always be opposition pressing on the Lord's anointed. I think he got the idea, and we're really pushing hard right now to get stuff done! I'm pretty stoked about it.

Transfers are right around the corner! June 11th is the date; make sure to mark it on your calendars. In my recent interview with President Curtis, he gave me some interesting information that I don't really know what to do with. He asked me how I feel about Wendell and if I wouldn't mind staying longer and I was just like what the what?? I've been here for a billion years, President, why in the world would I stay?? But in reality, I am so in love with Wendell that it would just break my heart to leave! So I told him that I really wouldn't mind staying another transfer. He explained that tons of Spanish missionaries are leaving this transfer and that some new ones are coming in that obviously need some training, so I'm on top of the list to train again! President doesn't like whitewashing areas (or in other words, taking both missionaries out of an area and putting two new ones in), so if I end up training, I would have to stay here because he doesn't want me to whitewash another area. Does that make sense? Anyway, I'm probably training and STAYING here in Wendell next transfer! That'll make it 10 1/2 months here! Whew!

Whelp, I think I'm gonna sign off now! This has been, in all, a very good week, and I'm hoping the next one's just a step up for the rest of you! Have a lovely week!

Elder Slavens

D&C 122 Though

Hello everyone everywhere!! How are you all? I am wonderful as always!

This has been an awesome week! We did tons of service and met lots of new people, which has been really cool!

We had a pretty scary experience this week, actually. A recent convert in our area named Mariano has been having lots of physical problems recently, and the weird thing is he's only 18 years old. But he's had like chronic hiccups for the past year or so, to the point where he like chokes on his own breath, and though hiccups may sound like a silly thing to consider dangerous, it's really been messing with him! On top of that, recently he's been having strong allergic reactions to SOMETHING, and nobody knows what! But he's been to the doctor multiple times to get his allergies checked out and nobody can figure out what's up. Well this past Saturday, all of that stuff kind of came to a head.

Saturday was Mariano's graduation day. He had his cap and gown all ready to go and couldn't wait to walk up there and get his diploma. Well he shows up to graduation with his twin brother, Mario, and starts feeling this crazy pain in his back. On top of that, his tongue swells up so bad that he can't breath! Mario rushed him to the hospital, and during the drive there, Mariano proceeds to have a minor stroke and the whole left side of his face goes numb. So Mario was texting us during all of this and I just couldn't believe what I was reading! I decided to text the Zone Leaders and have them text the whole zone to pray for Mariano during this craziness. We had to wait until the next morning to find out what had happened.

Wow, prayers are indeed answered. The next morning Mariano himself texted us and told us that everything was okay! We went to church and he was even THERE! It was so great to see the hand of the Lord help out such a strong young man, and it really built my testimony of the blessings received by the faithful. It was such a scary thing at the time, but I know that it was meant to be, and now everyone's just that much happier to see Mariano still kicking!

Sorry if this email seems kinda rushed! I have a super short time-slot today and I had a long story to tell!! Hopefully you can all get something out of that! I'll be more coherent next time!! Love you all!

Elder Slavens

Mawwage, Part 3

Hey there my peeps! What a week this has been!!

First of all, it was so awesome to see my fam bam yesterday! I love you guys like a fat kid loves cake, and I already can't wait to see you guys this Christmas! Ew, that's far away!

But for reals, this week has been so awesome. Lots of stuff that's been a long time coming has finally played out, and it's been so awesome to be a part of all of it!

First of all, the kid I mentioned a week or so back, Bryant, was baptized this week! He's such an amazing kid, with a testimony to rival that of a long-time church member. At his baptism, I swear there were about 30 or 40 youth there to support him; something I've never seen in my whole mission. It was so darn cool to see all these kids with huge testimonies there for each other!

And the reason for the title! Oh my gosh, the wedding finally happened!! Clemente, an investigator of 10 years, got married on Saturday! It was so great to see this man finally commit and make the right choice. I know that he's more happy now that he's made this choice, and it's only gonna go good places!

I hope you guys all have a great week, and keep in mind that I think you all rock!

Elder Slavens

I Am a Happy Boy

Hey there all you cuties!

This has been a really good week! Elder Martinez and I have really broken down and just hit the ground running in this new transfer. We're going crazy just trying to find as many new people as we can to start teaching. New investigators up the wazoo, that's what I'm talking about! We've met a lot of cool people this week that I believe will be able to progress lots and lots.

We met this guy named Pepe this week, from Peru. He's Evangelical, and we found him as we knocked on the door of an old investigator that we were trying to contact. The funny thing is, we met him, and he instantly kinda gave us the cold shoulder and didn't seem to wanna hear it. He just said over and over again "Our religions are just different, so yeah." But we weren't gonna take that. We just kept drawing connections between him and us as we talked, and we were determined. It really was just such a cool experience, because we could see with our four eyes the change that took place in his heart as we talked with him. We introduced the Book of Mormon, and at that point in the discussion, he seemed wholly devoted to learning more. And now he wants us to come back and teach him! Such a cool blessing.

We also met Rosi and Rudi. They're old investigators who I'd thought moved. Turns out I had accidentally just knocked on the door of the house right next to theirs which looks exactly like their house. Whoops. But hey, we found 'em! They are such cool peeps. We walked in and they were just so thankful that we'd take the time to knock on their door and teach them about God and whatnot. They just ate up the message of the Restoration and it was one of the best lessons I've ever been a part of!

And we've just seen a lot of cool little stuff like that this week. I'm as happy as a... what's the phrase? An oyster? Something like that. Anyway, I hope everyone has a very nice week! And I will talk to you soony.

Elder Slavens

I'm Writing This On an iPad, You Guys!!!!

I'm completely kidding, I'll never get an iPad.

So guess what! Transfer calls came yesterday! Anybody have any crazy guesses as to where I'm going?? Well if you guessed that I'll be going anywhere at all, you would in fact be wrong. I'M STAYING IN WENDELL FOR ANOTHER MONTH AND A HALF. I've been in this place for like a billion years. By the end of this transfer it'll have been literally 9 months. That's loco. But you know what? I'm absolutely stoked about it. A bunch of cool things are about to start happening in this place, and I'm so pumped to be a part of all of it!

We've got a new investigator (well technically a pretty old investigator) who we just met, named Bryant. He's been coming to church for quite a while, but he's like 16 and has a couple of silly parents who haven't let him get baptized because they are Catholic. But we just met him the other day and he asked us if we could come over to his house and just teach some little lessons here and there, you know, get his parents' feet wet and whatnot, so we were all like well heck yeah! And we were making plans to do exactly that when Bryant texts us like literally 2 days later and says to bring a baptismal form because his dad says he can get baptized!! I couldn't even believe what I was reading! So that's just a huge miracle we've seen this week; we're so excited to get this kid moving and help him take the steps he's been dying to take for years now.

We've also got that couple who's getting married coming up this transfer, so hopefully that plays out well! The father says he still doesn't want to make a decision when it comes to baptism (c'mon man, 10 YEARS??), but I believe that when they finally do get married, they're gonna be blessed hugely with the spirit, and that will help him make the decision. Fingers crossed!

A recent convert in the group, named Brayan, has decided to go on a mission! Such a cool reminder that things can go very far when missionaries do their job right. He's heading out for Washington sometime this month, and I'm really happy that I get to be around to support him!

So basically I'm super stoked for this upcoming transfer! True, I am about ready for a change of scenery (and smell, for that matter), but I know that there's a definite reason for my being here, and I'm very happy to be able to fulfill that! I hope you guys have a week that rocks your socks off like this one has mine! love you all!

Elder Slavens

The Proof Is In the Pudding

What does that phrase even mean?

Hello, world! And isn't it a beautiful day today? Everyone just go give someone a hug! Unless you're a missionary, then shake their hands very warmly, and I think that'll have to do.

I've had a great week. Lots of good work, lots of trips to big meetings, unlimited miles.

Oh, did I say unlimited miles? Hohohoho, you guys, check this out. Last week we were called by the Elder in charge of the cars for our mission, and we found out that the Chevy Cruz (our car) was being recalled because like 30% of those cars in the nation have a bad axel, are breaking on the freeway, and killing peeps. So our mission president was like "Oh hey, we should probably do something about this so that our missionaries don't die, yeah?" So we took it in to the shop to get it checked, and guess what! Our axel was totally one of the bad ones, and we could have died this week. Or many weeks prior because I've been driving this car for months. I'm convinced that angels have been sitting in our car forcing the axel together so that Elder Martinez and I would survive until we got this mess figured out. So in the meantime, as they figure out how to fix our messed up car, we have a rental.

But this isn't just any silly rental, you guys. The Lord has entrusted Elder Martinez and I with a brand-new, shiny red, all leather interior, 2014 Chevy Impala. Oh my gosh I can't even tell you. And on top opf that, because it's a rental and not actually a mission vehicle, we have UNLIMITED MILES. So we can go pretty much wherever the heck we want with no fear of running out of miles every month. It feels pretty cool to write '0' every single day on the mileage report, too.

But for reals, this has been such a good thing for us! We've been able to drive to see investigators almost every day that we have never been able to see because they're so far out and hard to get to with mile limitations! So this has been a really good week.

Yet unfortunately, I was just called by one of the elders in our area who told me we might have to drive into Twin today to take it back because we don't have insurance for the rentals. :( So we'll see whether I have it next week!

But yeah, that's pretty much been our life this week. Pretty legit stuff! I hope you guys all have a great week yourselves! Keep it real!

Elder Slavens