How the Heck am I Supposed to Come Up with a Clever Subject Line At a Time Like This?

First and foremost, everyone, I need to correct what I said last week about Matthew being the apostle that followed Judas. That's super untrue and I had a brain fart last week and I hope nobody used that as a spiritual thought for FHE or anything like that 'cause it was all false doctrine. It was actually Matthias. Whoops. Now I sound as dumb as Tim.

Think what you will about me and my stupid brain. I still got swag.

Anyway, I suppose this is it, folks. As of this Thursday I will no longer be a set apart missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

In essence, I'm dying.

Just like Moroni when he was writing up his final thoughts before HE died! And I think that's just fitting, because some of the stuff that he wrote about that day is the stuff that I myself would like to write about this day. You see, our mission has been focusing a lot recently on obtaining a change of heart. The main focal point of this change is working on developing Christlike attributes, or traits that make up the character of Christ. As I've flipped through the pages of Preach My Gospel I've really come to recognize what those things are that will drive me to be more like Jesus, and the more I study His life and attributes, the more I believe that the ultimate common denominator of all the Christlike attributes is charity.

I find it interesting that Moroni, being a super old fart with a lot of different experiences under his belt, decided to wrap up his dying testimony with thoughts on charity. You'd figure there would be lots of other stuff he could talk about, right? He could have talked for days about his war stories, or what it was like to be the last Nephite alive, or even how the Atonement changed his life. But nah. To Moroni, all of those concepts bowed to the idea of charity. BUT WHY?

Just listen to him talk about it: "And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things." How dope. RIGHT? Since this mountain of a man thought charity so important as his life came to a close, I figured it would just make sense for me to take on the same idea. So I decided to study the snot out of it.

I learned that charity is the pure love of Christ. I learned that Charity is what we feel for that hobo on the side of the road who we recognize as a child of God, so we're prompted to go buy him a burger. Charity is what causes us to forgive our little brother for breaking our favorite toy. Charity is what softens our heart when we feel like the whole world is against us. Charity makes the world go round.

Now let's talk about brownies for a sec.

Brownies are like the chillest thing ever, right? I love brownies. If I wanna make a yummy batch of brownies, ideally I would start with a recipe for yummy brownies. You can't make yummy brownies without first knowing what you need to put in the bowl. So you follow the recipe! And what happens if you don't? If I want to make brownies, but I forget to put in the cocoa, or the eggs, or the sugar, will I still have brownies? Heck no, I'll just have some nasty oily goop. Gross. But I follow the recipe, and within 45 minutes I have the yummiest brownies I ever done tasted.

Wouldn't it be nice if we had a recipe for charity? I sure wish someone would line out for me all of the ingredients whose sum is charity! That would be so... WAIT.

Charity suffereth long. A person with charity is patient in enduring his trials, as well as the shortcomings of others.

Charity is kind. A person with charity always has a smile on his face, and doesn't use sarcasm or passive-aggression to try and prove a point.

Charity envieth not. A person with charity is happy to see others succeed.

Charity is not puffed up. A person with charity is meek and humble; not quick to point out his own personal accomplishments, but rather to uplift others.

Charity seeketh not her own. A person with charity looks first to serve others rather than himself.

Charity is not easily provoked. A person with charity has a long fuse. He doesn't get frustrated when things don't go as planned, or people don't act as expected or desired.

Charity thinketh no evil. A person with charity doesn't try to find loopholes or justify or make excuses. That's how Satan rolls.

Charity rejoiceth not in iniquity. A person with charity doesn't give in to temptation, no matter how appealing or harmless it may seem.

Charity rejoiceth in the truth. A person with charity desires to share the gospel with others, and finds joy in studying the scriptures and going to church.

Charity beareth all things. A person with charity sticks it out even when things get tough and sticky. He doesn't give up or give in to old habits.

Charity believeth all things. A person with charity is not naive or gullible, but rather faithful. He has a "prove it wrong" attitude rather than a "prove it right" one.

Charity hopeth all things. A person with charity has a positive attitude about life. He goes with the flow, but also doesn't just sit back and watch life pass by. He makes a move and takes a stand.

Charity endureth all things. A person with charity is steadfast and immovable. Blow after blow he comes out on top every time, stronger than before.

That's the recipe! This is how we gain charity! Breaking it down and getting good at all of these things is exactly how we fulfill the commandment to be perfect, even as our Father in Heaven is perfect. Moroni had it down, and I want to get it down too. If I've learned anything on my mission, it's that charity truly is what separates the boys from the men. Not muscles. Not how many baptisms they got. Charity.

Though my full-time mission may be wrapping up, my life-long mission to become like my Savior has only just begun. Charity is where it starts, and perfection is where it ends. LET'S DO THIS.

I appreciate more than I can say all of the support I've gotten from my friends and family over the last two years. Thanks for all the letters and notes and boxes of candy and whatever else it may be. You guys pulled me through all this.

Once and for all: peace out, suckas.

Elder Slavens

If Only I Knew My Bible

FIRST OFF I WANNA GIVE A BIG DIGITAL SMOOCH TO DALLIN SLAVENS THE BIG PARTY BOY 'CAUSE HE'S ONE YEAR OLDER AND HOPEFULLY AT LEAST A LITTLE BIT WISER TOO SO HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU OLD TOOT! 

This week was lots of fun and hecka stressful and super chill and everything in between and all on the sides and stuff. It was crazy.

Without further adyou (is that right, Brandon?) lemme tell you about Tim. We went to the house of one of our recent converts this week and were greeted at the door by none other than Tim. We had never met Tim before but were excited to have the opportunity to talk to a new dude who might have some potential to be interested. The moment he sees our name tags he gets this wild creepy smile on his face and is all like "Oooh, this is gonna be fun." He's got a fat can of beer in his hand and he's not wearing a shirt and his eyes are freaky and I just wish I could form for you a proper picture of this guy. Anyway he proceeds into this rant about how the doctrinal views of Mormons are completely stupid and irrelevant because we don't believe Jesus Christ to be God when in fact we do. Now, keep in mind this is me typing this out, certainly not Tim. So I may make it sound smarter than it actually would have sounded. Tim's all like "Do you know your Bible?" We're like "Well we try our best." He's like "Who was the first apostle after Judas?" We're like "Matthew." He's like, "Uhm.. uh. YEAH SO EXACTLY LIKE PAUL WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE ONE AFTER JUDAS BUT MATTHEW WAS CHOSEN BY THE FLESH NOT BY GOD AND YOU MARMENS SUCK CUZ YOU DON'T THINK JESUS IS GOD." And he just kept going and going and spitting and he was drunk and ew. So I raised my hand like in elementary school to say something and he got all bewildered that I wanted to say something but he eventually calmed down enough to let be get in my two cents. I asked, "So, what exactly is it we're accomplishing here? Because I don't remember anywhere in the Bible where it says we should behave like this." And he just stopped. The spirit had bailed quite a bit back and that's probably one of the worst feelings for me so I was just like "Yeaaaah we're gonna leave" so we ditched. Bashers are the pits. And that's my story about Tim. You can share it for spiritual thoughts during FHE or something if you like.

We also had a fun experience this week helping one of our part-member families high-tail it out of their house because they were evicted. The housing complex they lived in has a super strict "no alcohol" policy because it's welfare housing, and the man of the house is a heavy alcoholic. So long story short the people found out and were like "well you have to be out of here by 4:00 3 days from now" and so everybody freaked out. They asked for our help and we went over and spent quite a bit of time helping them pack everything up and throw it out on the lawn. It was a complete mess. And the whole time the wife was like "Oh no, I'm gonna have a nervous breakdown" and she would sit down on the couch for 20 minutes to de-stress (I'm pretty sure it was just and excuse to not do anything). So yeah, I dunno this is a good story but it was quite an ordeal to live through. We eventually got the whole house out onto the front lawn and they put everything into a pickup and VROOM they were off. I'm not really sure where they are now but it was rather climactic!

We also have 2 other missionaries living with us right now because their bathroom is being gutted and re-gutted so you KNOW we're gonna watch Meet the Mormons and eat popcorn and chill super hard.

That's my life. If you just read that whole thing then I love you.

Elder Slavens

In the Zone

Going on a hike for FHE in pross. Look at us, we're such a big deal

This is Joe, my new best friend. I wish I could describe him to you.

Don't drink, it'll get you evicted and this will happen.

The Only Thing I Haven't Done Yet Is Die

Hhhhookayyyyy people! I don't have a ton of time this week because I got on the computer late 'cause I spent my Monday morning doing the chillest thing imaginable for a missionary!

I got to clean the temple today.

The Twin Falls temple is out of commission for the next 2 weeks for remodeling, so President Curtis called us up a few days ago to see if we would be down to help out. I said heck yeah that sounds swag. So we went by in the morning and helped them move around a bunch of furniture so they could re-carpet and re-tile and some other cool jazz. We spent like 2 hours moving desks and chairs and tables and cabinets and all this stuff and it was so crazy being in the temple doing stuff like that. You never picture yourself huffin' and puffin' from manual labor within the temple. But it was such a blessing and a privilege. Easily the most calm and collected I've every felt while moving around way heavy couches and stuff.

When we finished cleaning everything up the custodian dudes said they wanted to take us on a tour so we got to see EVERYTHING. They took us all around and showed us all the fancy inner-workings /underbelly of the temple and it was so crazy to see. You always picture the temple as this super simple place and you just walk in and do baptisms and stuff and then you walk out and it's all chill. But then you go downstairs and see all these levers and plugs and computer screens and vents and grates and and and AND. It was very complex and legit. THEN THEY TOOK US UP TO THE ROOF. We went up to the very top of the temple and there was a door that went INSIDE THE STEEPLE. So we went in there and there was this way tall ladder that led all the way up to the top of the steeple and you could pretty much touch the angel Moroni's feet from inside and dang it was just so cool. It's a shame I couldn't have my camera with me. BUT I did find a cool feather from a bird who had been chilling on top of the temple so I guess I'll hold onto that as a keepsake and just remember it forever. Besides, today I finally overcame trying to fit the world inside a picture frame.

So yeah that's what's up and now my hands are exhausted so I'll wrap it up there. Expect more talk on missionary work next week! You are all the dopest peace out.

Elder Slavens

Confessions of a Hoarder

This week, man. It was crazy and life is good and my brain is mush. I think my brain is just permanently mush now 'cause of my mission. I can't think about how to word emails anymore I just kinda go for it and then I read them back afterward and it sounds like crap but I'm like whatever. Life is so hard.

This week we did service for a hoarder. I kid you not, I say hoarder and I mean hoarder. This is one of our investigators we've been seeing for a while, and we could never go visit her at her house because she was embarrassed about the condition of it. We said "Ah naw, don't even worry about it we got you" and she was like "Heck naw my house is gross" but we were all like "Too late here we come" and that's what's up. So we went over with a couple of guys from the ward and daaaaaaaang. It was not super pretty. This lady has like 7 indoor cats and 5 indoor dogs or something crazy like that and none of them are potty-trained so yeah. It reeked. But we got in there and took like 2 days and cleaned it all out and now it smells only a little bit not quite as bad ish. I dunno. It still smells. But we're working on it! The things we missionaries do, man. It's quite something.

We're working on finding new investigators in our YSA ward 'cause our teaching pool is the pits and nobody wants to progress. So we've been going around meeting all the members on the ward directory and asking them for referrals and that's going super well. We've got potentials coming out of our ears so we gotta hop on it and meet all these new people and see if they're down to learn about the gospel. I shall keep you updated.

So yeah that's my life. Take it easy everyone and NEVER FORGET WHO YOU ARE.

Elder Slavens

All My Clothes Are Falling Apart But Whatever

ANYWAY WHAT'S UP EVERYONE I LOVE YOU

This week has been ultra chill. We've been putting a bigger focus on the Book of Mormon as the keystone of our message to our investigators and it's just stupid crazy. It's like we plucked out their eyes and put new ones in. It's like they FINALLY flipping understand what we're trying to get them to do! It's hecka cool man. So what we've been doing recently is just going to investigators' houses for like 20 or 30 minutes and reading a chapter or two out of the Book of Mormon. We stop here and there as we read and we discuss things that are happening in the story that apply to our own lives and how we can become better by acting on the things we learn. Santa vaca it is so cool how people react to that. And I don't know why I didn't think of it like a bajillion years ago! But we've started this with 4 investigators and it's like the same story every time - the spirit is ridonculously strong and everybody's bawling and yeah.

We visited one investigator who brought a friend with her, with plans to read the Book of Mormon as previously stated. As we read through the story of the sons of Lehi going back to Jerusalem to recover the brass plates from that doofus Laban I brought up that I thought it was cool that no matter how crazy the situation got, Nephi was always willing and stoked to keep trying and be obedient. The friend of our investigator was like "Wait a sec, I got something kinda different from that. It seems like the first two times they tried, Nephi was just all like 'Yeah, I have this cool idea and I think it'll work, so let's try it,' and it never worked out that way. It wasn't until Nephi stepped back and prayerfully considered the situation that it actually worked out and the job got done. Seems to me that Nephi was a little bit prideful at first and needed to be humbled a bit before God would let everything work out." And I was like DAAAAANG THAT IS SO COOL 'cause we all have different points of view and there are so many different ways to think about it and AH! It was dope 'cause I was just like dang, I never even thought about it that way before and I've read this story like a hundred times! So we all learned something and it just goes to show ya that you never stop learning from the Book of Mormon! It was way powerful and I'm stoked to keep having visits like that. Heck yeah.

So yup, that's my life right now. Keep it chill and keep it simple, whatever that means. It's just what's in my brain right now so I typed it. PEACE.

Elder Slavens

I'm from San Francisco

Temple swag

 Classic P-day - Apples to Apples with President Curtis. A straight riot.

Only on a mission is this considered a prank

The real gangsters

Boots and Cats and Boots and Cats and Boots and Cats and Boots and Cats and Boots and Cats

You know I'm running out of ideas when I put a subject line like that. But no matter, I am not here to come up with clever subject lines, I am here to preach repentance unto the gentiles so izall good.

Finah-frickin-nitly I'm not sick anymore! And neither is my companion! So we hit the ground HARD this week and ran like crazy to make up for lost time. And it paid off, suckas. Good things come to those who wait - no, endure. So chill. Aight, check it. There's this young woman in our ward who was baptized last year, and over the course of time her younger sister and brother have become interested in what her church is all about and stuff. So this young woman came and grabbed us and told us it's time to teach her siblings and baptize them! Woot woot! So we had our first appointment with them this week and it was super dope home boy from the Oak town. They accepted the message like it was donuts and have set baptismal dates for the 6th of June! Their names are Bailey and Zander and I'll probably be discussing them a bit more in the future. 

Hermmmmmm oh yeah! Other than that we have like a bunch of people who are super lukewarm and it's hecksa frustrating so we're 'bout to take it up a notch. We have plans to go visit everyone who's not progressing and be super real with them about our purpose. If they're not down, we're gonna drop it like it's hot. So we're excited about that 'cause either they'll start progressing or we'll have more time to focus on people who really wanna know about Jesus! And with such little time left on my mission I'm really trying to put a big focus on what's most important.

I have made a challenge with myself to span the final few weeks of my mission. I have entered my final transfer as a missionary, and in a crazy act of super-obedience/for funzies I have decided to listen to nothing but MoTab for the last 6 weeks I'm here. I have no idea what the result will be - I may be exalted before I get home or I may have become completely insane. Perhaps a combination of the two. Anyway that will be fun.

Hokay I think that's good for now I love you all from the deepest bottomest part of my corazon and I wish upon you nothing but smiles and joy and magic. Keep it real errbahdy.

Elder Slavens 

This Was a Sick Week Too

For rillz man I'm done with all this sickness! Like probably 30 minutes after I sent my email last week I started feeling super off, and sure enough, by the end of the day I was dead in my bed. I was out of commission for about 4 days this week with the same stomach virus that Elder O'Bryant had picked up, the little stinker. It was pretty sketchy actually! I ended up losing like 8 pounds from it, which is way scary and super awesome at the same time. So I'm kinda taking it easy but feeling totally good now so we're about to hit the ground running and teach the masses and baptize all of 'em and yeah yeah yeah.

Despite the fact that I was dead this week, once I was feeling all better we actually saw a bunch of super dope stuff happen. We found a couple of ROCKSOLID families with kids who are super interested, so we're pumped to begin teaching them and see them make those choices that will lead them back to living with their Heavenly Father. At this point there ain't really any big deets to share, so I'll just leave it at that for now.

Mah laff is goooot. I'm digging my mission, and now that this is my last transfer I'm stoked to just go harrrrd and be the best I can before my time out here comes to a close! I love you all mucho!!

Elder Slavens

This Was a Sick Week

BAHAHAHAHA I'm so funny. My subject line was a PUN! You see, it was literally a sick week. As in, my companion Elder O'Bryant was sick like all week. Which was a bummer. Now, it's not like he chose to get sick. So I in no way blame him for the sick week. I love him to death. Nevertheless, he did get sick, and thus, I kinda just sat around for most of this week while he chilled in bed to recover. I watched like all the videos with the Church logo on them imaginable, read a bunch out of the Old Testament (some pretty hysterical stuff to be found in there, by the way), and ate too much. I did try to set up a few appointments and split with other missionaries to get stuff done, but for the most part I was just chillin'.

So this week makes for a pretty boring email I guess. Sorry erruddy I dunno what to do 'bout that. One thing I did learn from all this, however, is how much it IS THE WORST to have to sit around as your mission is coming to a close! It's crunch time, people, I don't have much time left! So I gotta get out there and just teach as many people as I can about the good news, 'cause I don't get to do that 24/7 forever! Dang, that stinks. So I'll be keeping that in mind as time passes and try to get as much done as possible while I still can!

So that's my life. How's yours? Hope all is well. Have a good week and stuff!

Elder Slavens

This Week Was a Rocketship

For real, this week was so fast I forgot it even happened. Not really. I'm just tryna make a point.

Hmm. Let's talk about what I learned this week. I've been focusing a lot recently on my morning studies and really figuring out how to do that properly and effectively. I started this mad dash by studying studying in Preach My Gospel. And I learned something pretty scary but also cool from it. It says, more or less, that the path to salvation can only be followed by having a good study ethic, particularly of the scriptures and word of the Lord. I take some liberty with that by clarifying that I CANNOT GET INTO HEAVEN WITHOUT STUDYING THE SCRIPTURES PROPERLY. Shoot, that gives me the chills. But hey, I think it's more or less true! We need to allow ourselves to be fed by the daily bread that the scriptures and words of modern prophets provide to us. Otherwise, we won't be prepared spiritually to hang out with our Heavenly Father. So I've been focusing recently on having really effective studies that bring me closer to my Savior, 'cause that's pretty much the only way I'm gonna get there. I invite all of you to do the same!

We had a lot of people cancel appointments this week, which is okay. Makes for a kind of boring email though. Hopefully I have more sick stories to share next week! If not WHAT'CHOO GON' DO 'BOUT IT? You all are my FAVORITE. 

Elder Slavens

Say what you will, we have massive swag.

Deh Spurrt Tushd Me Herrt End Me Sull

Hola compadres and family-o peoples!

Shoot I have like no time this week that really blows. Well hopefully as I sit here typing a mile a minute I can say something at least moderately inspiring and touching so that all of you still understand that I'm digging my mission like tons.

Actually, can I just take a second and say like for reals though? Like, I've just been thinking a lot about my mission and how it has changed me and as I reflect on the person I once was and the person I currently am I'm just baffled. I mean, I still am the pitts, and I have quite a long ways to go before I can even start considering myself worthy to put on the name tag that I do every day, but isn't that what life is all about? On my mission I'm held to a standard that no mortal can really live up to properly - we're talking representing Jesus Christ, and that means doing, saying, and being what He would were He here. Though this may seem stressful and impossible to really reach, I'm recognizing a little more every day that I'm not expected to be perfect. But I am expected to change. And I'm expected to try. So that has become the theme of the last 3 months on my mission: change as much as I can in the best way possible and be on a steep upward climb by the time I'm called to return home. I truly believe that my heart is changing and that I'm finally starting to become what my Father in Heaven sees possible. Again, I'm so dang far from that it's loco, but all the same I am moving, and that's all He asks. I love that.

That was a weird rant I suppose. But hey, I'm learning things out here that I know I never would have learned otherwise. Thank goodness for my mission! Peace out all you yung starz, keep it real!

Elder Slavens 

The Big League! The Real Deal! The Holy Land!

Well it's official; I made it. I am now counted among the greats serving in the big citay, Twin Falls, Idaho! I MEAN BUSINESS.

And when I say business, I mean REAL busy. Like holy moly my brain is made out of play-dough right now 'cause I been thinking and going harder than I ever have in my entire life, for rillz. Unfortunately, most of the action I've seen the past few days really doesn't include teaching people and stuff. It's more like just administrative chores and paperwork and whatnot. My new companion, Elder O'Bryant, and I are basically glorified bus boys. But I'm digging it all the same. We're the Zone Leaders of the Twin Falls North Zone, and it's our responsibility to keep track of all the bikes in the entire mission, create schedules for when the missionaries can email on Monday since we have so many, and a bunch of stuff like that. So the vast majority of the past few days has consisted of putting together lists, printing out papers, and carrying bikes back and forth between zones. But hey, somebody's gotta do it!

On our off time we go teach people about Jesus. The area consists of two wards, one being a normal family ward, and the other being a YSA ward ages 25 and up. Because our YSA ward covers like 5 different stakes, our area actually includes all of Twin Falls, so WE GO WEVER WE WAN. So that's a kinda cool little perk. Good times.

I haven't gotten to know many investigators yet, but I'll fill you in as the info comes!

By the way, how dope was General Conference? Man I am so pumped by it. I've set so many goals for myself and want to be the best I can! If any of you didn't get to listen to the conference, go on lds.org roight meow and lissen! So chill.

Los quiero a todos como un muchacho gordo quiere a un pastel. That's all the Spanish I remember. Peace out!! Love!

Elder Slavens

My new contacting method: jump out and scare them into being baptized.

My main men chilling after a refreshing trip to the temple.