One step at a time, one foot in front of the other

The reason why last week was the return of the king! Our investigator who has multiple wives and then ran away... CAME BACK! We met him for like 5 seconds again, and then HE RAN AWAY AGAIN. No new updates besides that. I have lost track of his wives. 

Anyways, we had a TRULY inspiring week. We had an accidental lesson with one person we meet often but he doesn't come to church or read or pray. When we meet with people, it is truly just about getting them to pray and read their scriptures and go to church, because they won't learn anything about the church from us! All the learning comes from what you do on your own. I have really seen that in the people here. But anyways, we sat down with him because we just saw him out and about, and he told us he was thinking of running away. WHAT. He is like a 40 year old dude with 3 daughters and a wife. He said his wife swears at him, so he is running away. I don't find myself the type of person telling people what to do in their lives that are big decisions like that, but something inside me just pushed me to tell him to get over it and stick with his family. IT WAS SO WEIRD! I was giving a 40 year old dude advice on how to live his life and raise his family! It kinda reminded me of Dreamworks Treasure Planet. I don't want my investigator to turn into that kind of a dad. So after I kinda chastised him for a while, I left that lesson feeling like I really made a change! That's what I've done today to make me feel proud. 

Then, the highlight of the week was definitely the Pioneer Day celebration. The members here have told us "You can skip the Christmas party... You can skip the Cambodian New Year party... but you DO NOT mess with Pioneer day here." And they weren't kidding. It was an all-day party, filled with talks, musical numbers, a seminary graduation (which was really random), and finally a PLAY. Featuring the stars of Battambang, Cambodia: The Elders. I played a guy who kicks down a door and yells "WHICH ONE OF YOU IS JOSEPH SMITH?!" and then grabs him and takes him to his death. I put my whole SOUL into that part. If I am remembered for anything here in Battambang, it will be by the way I played that role. 

Speaking of which, I have just recived word that good ole Elder Slavens will no longer be serving in Battambang! I have been in the same province for 4 months now, the whole time I have been in Cambodia, but now I am moving on up. Or down, I guess. I am going to another province called Kampong Cham, which is way less developed than the province I am in now. I am going to miss this place! I have had 2 full out dance parties here over new years and pioneers! These people know my moves. But it is time for me to move on. By this time next week, I'll be in Kampong Cham with my new companion, Elder Beacco from Saint George, Utah. He is probably Gabe's best friend. He plays rugby. More to come. 

You are the shooting star shining bright for all to see. 

Never forget.

Elder Slavens

​"WHICH ONE OF YOU IS JOSEPH SMITH?!" 

​My 14 year old investigator who only know how to say "bingo" and "go go Power Rangers" in English 

​My pinky nail was successfully Cambodian length before I cut it off 

They call me Elder Cool Smooth 

THE RETURN OF THE KING

Where do I even begin. 

I guess at the beginning of last week? So basically we went and played at the crocodile farm, which is a place where I have been a couple times here where they raise crocodiles to sell to other countries, but this time it was 100% better. Because I almost got eaten. I was walking on the dirt, and there was a sheet of metal on the floor, and I stepped on it and it turned out the metal was covering a whole in the ground, and when I stepped on it it broke in two and I just fell 3 feet down into this PIT! And I was just sitting there, shocked, and then I noticed... My legs are socking wet. That's when I thought "...Crocodiles" and I JUMPED out and was screaming! It was actually just a sewer for crocodile poop, but I thought I had fallen into a crocodile mating ground! My life was spared that day. Everyone was laughing at me even though I almost died. 

The biggest miracle I saw this week was just yesterday at church! I was reflecting about how all the people we teach are too busy to come to church, and so they have no way to truly progress. And so I knelt down and said a prayer that my companion and I would be able to find someone who was truly ready and wanted to hear about Heavenly Father's church. And so I went to church, and had a great day. But then right as we were leaving the building, this white guy pulls up with his Cambodian wife and their 2 kids. And he told us, in English, that he just got back from America, and had learned a little bit about our church there, and now came back and wants his family to learn. So that was awesome. We showed them around the church and talked a little bit about Heavenly Father. His name is Jason, and he told us he was so happy to meet us and that he wants to come to church every week with his family. And I KNOW that you get the most out of the gospel when you do it with your family! So I am excited for what Elder Reeves, my companion, and I can bring into this family's lives! WOOT WOOT! Score one for the power of prayer.

I love you and I love life 

Honestly, 

Elder Slavens

​Hello, chap

Who's that Elder hanging in that tree?

It's me! It's me! 

I said WHO's that Elder hanging in that tree? 

It's me! It's me!

A million crocodiles in my hands!

and then I fell into this pit

​CRIKEY!

Put a bird on it

 ​Style points 100 

​There is a monk here who is FAMOUS because he is a midget!

​This lady's kid fell asleep while standing while she was driving her moto

This picture is from a couple weeks ago when we went cave exploring in a mountain, and a bat flew into our picture. 

It then flew into my mouth and I ate it whole like that one Halloween book.

The Wedding Singers

I would like to open up this time for all of you to email me any question. Any question at all. And I will answer it for you. 

But just so you don't ask me "Hey Elder Slavens (the one and only), what are you doing RIGHT NOW?", I will answer that one at this moment.  

I am currently sitting in my little internet cafe emailing all you people while a very charitable internet cafe owner is playing Beyonce on his computer out loud. Oh, how I miss The Queen B. 

So I would like to take this time to explain the wedding I went to this week. We have a member in our branch who is amazing. And one day he told us to start teaching this girl that we had never met because it was the woman he loved and he wants her to learn about Jesus Christ so he can marry her. So we were like "Ok!" So we taught her and she got baptized a couple weeks ago. NOW he just raised enough money to have a wedding, so we were invited. And the wedding was done in the church building. At 9:00 in the morning. So we showed up. We were then asked if we (the Elders and Sisters) could perform a musical number for the wedding. So we spent minimal amounts of time preparing a rendition of "Love is Spoken Here" in Cambodian. Then the wedding begins. It was an hour long. Someone was asked to give the opening prayer, but he wasn't wearing a white shirt. So instead of choosing someone else, they made the guy go home, change into nicer clothes, and come back to pray to open this grand event. Then one of the members stands up to give a talk. He went up to the pulpit with a Word of Wisdom pamphlet, so you KNOW that was a good talk to give at a wedding! Then the ceremony... The branch president said some words, and then asked if the broom and gride would kiss. The broom had to pump himself up. He went in for the kiss... she declined! He went in again! She declined once more... He went in AGAIN! AND TARGET ACQUIRED! DIRECT HIT! It lasted for maybe 4 seconds. She was NOT kissing back. It was amazing and heart warming. Cambodians do not kiss each other or show affection in public, so it was a beautiful moment. Then, to finish it off, yours truly and the other missionaries sang our song. We were definitely the highlight. The moment all were waiting for. The grand finale. We stole the show and the hearts of all there. It was too good, really. Then a closing hymn by the congregation, "Did you think to pray?" A perfect hymn for a wedding. 

Also, the broom asked me if he could use my suit for the wedding. I thought he was going to wear it, but actually the gride's dad who had no hands and one eye wore it. I tried to take a picture with him wearing my suit, but I FAILED YOU ALL!!!!! He made that suit look good though. I also have not gotten my suit back, and probably never will get it back. So that is ok. 

Basically for the missionary work in Battambang, it has been dope. We have been pumped up and just working our hineys off lately! Believe it or not, talking to random people on the street about my church has been kinda weird for me, but then I was like "ehhh WHATEVER! I'm here, might as well try my best!" So my companion and I worked our butts off and talked to a million people and had so many lessons with members. And all our work paid off (I think)! We have a pretty sweet line up of people who want to hear about our church! So cool! So I am doing pretty good here! 

We had one day that was just hilarious because everything went wrong and my companion's, Elder Reeves, bike broke, and no one knew how to fix it. And we were supposed to be helping a member move houses, but the bike situation made us miss our appointment with him! hehe OOPS. So I just followed the words from that one song in Pitch Perfect and kept my head up wooo woooo. You do the same! 

DON'T BE AFRAID TO BE YOU! 

Love, Elder Slavens

​Chaaaaaaa, the markets here have the sickest mannequins, broooo. Catch you l8tr, I gotta go hit up some gnarly waves 

​So professional 

​Super straws for sale! $1

​THE WEDDING

​If anyone can decipher this Cambodian message, I will send you a piece of Cambodian candy in the mail. 

What are you, CHICKEN?

The 4th of July was literally the most beautiful holiday I have ever celebrated in my life. All of the missionaries here in my zone got together, and we had pulled pork sandwiches, which had REAL BBQ SAUCE! And then I sang the national anthem to honor my country which I so dearly love. It brought tears. Tears were had. Then we had a flag ceremony, followed by stories of our great country being shared with each other. A little piece of home, here in Cambodia. I enjoyed drawing fireworks on paper and then making explosion sounds. 

Last week my companion and I killed a chicken and ate it. There was a member here who was like "I've got some extra chickens if you want one!" So we're like "Ok" and we go to his house, where we have to chase down some chickens, wrestle them into our arms, tie up their legs, and then lie em down on the floor. The member handed me a knife. "Make it gentle", he said. I then raise the knife over my head. I look into the eyes of the chicken that would provide me a full stomach. I plead for forgiveness. I then mercilessly bring the knife down to the ground. It was the best chicken I have ever had. We ate EVERY part of the chicken you can imagine. EVERY. PART. 

For this week, all of our teaching hasn't been too exciting. We still haven't found too many more people who want to learn from us. So we are spending our time trying to strengthen the members who are already a part of this gospel, and especially trying to strengthen families. We have planned on meeting 3 families where the whole family comes to church except for big papa. We will help these families become whole once again. WE WILL CONQUER! 

Until we meet again, 

Yours truly,

Sincerely yours, 

Elder Monster Breath (I was told my breath stinks by some members) 

Red white a blue, baby. My trash bag flag was taped to my bike all day. 

​Before

​After 

​The gospel "MOOved" his life.

​They twin with that moped behind them. I want airbender robes so bad. 

Last night I had a dream about In N Out

MY NEW COMPANIONS NAME IS RUSSELL!!! Who would have guessed I would ever be companions with a Russell. Are you jealous? Yah... I thought so. 

So in this week of my life I did lots. Me and Elder Russell Reeves have been together for a week now, and it has been a whole lot of showing him around and introducing people to him. He makes these Cambodians laugh more than milk makes my stomach hurt. Which when you drink weird Japanese milk that you shouldn't trust, it hurts me a lot. 

So far I have been just flopping around in life trying to find people to go teach while my companion follows me because he doesn't know the people or the area, but I am being helped as I flop. Heavenly Father likes to scoop me up with his spatula and flip me over onto my other side so I can cook for a little more on the other side. It gets nice and relaxing, but then I start to sizzle and freak out. But every time, Heavenly Father scoops me up and flips me over again. If you don't think God is real and you have never experienced this, I SWEAR TO YOU it's real. You just need to open your eyes a little bit and pray for help to see it. And it will come. But of course, it will come. Sorry if that was harsh. I have become harsh on my mission. 

HEY! But good news! Monday are the days where we get to do fun activities, and today we are going to someones house who will helo us choose, murder, and eat our very own chickens! I am currently trying to choose a name for my chicken. Maybe he'll be Larry? Either way, he'll be in my stomach! Woo hoo! 

My older Brother Chance just got home from his mission everyone, so you should all go hunt him down and try and hang out with him. He's probably looking for a wife right about now. You single? He's wantin to mingle! 

Toots. Elder Danger 

​Would you like to touch my monkey? It stole my ice cream :'( 

​I don't know if this is offensive or not, but Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are life 

​Do you know the muffin man? 

The muffin man? 

THE MUFFIN MAN! 

The one who lives on Dreary lane? 

Well... she's... related to the muffin man. 

the muffin man? 

THE MUFFIN MAN!!!!!! 

YO YO YO YO YO YO

YO YO YO YO YO YO 

How it be? This is me. Whats new? I want to show. you. lawl like Tom Riddle in the diary. 

So wack things, people. Everything has changed. I have stayed here in Battambang, the province here in Cambodia. But my last companion LEFT waaaaaa. I cry every night. I miss him more than I miss watching Spongebob. But my new companion, Elder Reeves, WOW is he good! He is just SO friendly! He makes every one happy! He smiles super big and he is like 100,000% sincere. Sincerier than me 4 sure. 

We just spent all the time before Elder Elieson left going around and saying bye to people and giving short-little spiritual thoughts. Because now they are just stuck with me. I have to lead around my new companion who doesn't know the area and I have to use Cambodian like a fire fighter has to use fire swords. Slashing and burning, baby. Its super crazy and fun. 

My favorite moment of the week was when I was asked if I like bread or rice better. I of course chose chocolate. And then I was informed that if I eat bread and white soy milk, my skin will turn lighter and lighter. Until I am invisible, I guess? And if I eat rice and chocolate soy milk I will turn darker and darker until I am Cambodian. 

See ya ya'll. My new compy is from Texas. Like me old one. I don't see whats so special about dumb old Texas. He is 18. I am 19 (lol). Now I am catching on to Texas language though. 

Also as I told stories of my father to the other missionaries here to honor the day set apart for the honoring of our fathers, I got them all to burst into a round of applause. Congratulations, Monte. You are a star. 

​AND I FOUND KARAOKE!!!! 

The tears will literally never stop flowing. RIP Elder 

​But it is ok because I got to be companions with 2 other bawlers for a day! 

​And my new All-Star companion, Elder Reeves! He gets the game on. This was the day after he got here. All of the young men and young women taking us to all the less active peoples house. SO FRESH 

The NEW Keeper of the Keys

Transformation (noun): The act of ones self turning into another thing. 

I have transformed. 

This transformation comes from deep within. There are chickens roaming the streets of Cambodia almost all the time, and at first I used to view them as beautiful creations of God, or cute little birds, or freaky ancestors of Tyrannosaurus Rex's, but now whenever I see them, I just see a featherless hunk of meat hanging from a cart for us to buy and eat and enjoy. yuuuuuuuum

This week was BLASTEOUS! I got a new bike! WOOO HOOO! Which stinks because my other bike was awesome and had lights and flowers and flip flop thongs hanging from it, but this new one is good. I am going to buy stickers to write "Nimbus 2000" on it. Wish me luck! 

This week was swell because it started out with us just having a ton of leads for people who were maybe interested in the church. Tip offs from members, phone numbers from people on the street. It was like a crime movie. We had all the evidence, now just time to get down to the bottom of things! Then we went to the scene of the crime! We just contacted all the people we have tip offs of, and it turned out they were all super interested! So we have like a million people who want to learn from us now! IF ONLY THERE WERE 12 OF ME! But then we decided for church yesterday, we would just go round up a ton of peeps. So we just biked to everyone's house, and formed a giant gang to ride to church with us! Our efforts, plus just the greatness of others, made us have 9 investigators (prime suspects) and like a million other people we had been working with the whole time I have been here. So, you could say it was the best birthday of my life. The people at church here celebrated fathers day, even though its not until next week. So happy fathers day, I guess. 

But then, THE PHONE CALL. So it turns out my trainer, good ole Elder Elieson is leaving me! He is going to Phnom Penh while I stay here to lead out this area with a new companion! I get him later this week! So I am going to have to lead him around and introduce him to everyone. I am so dang nervous LAWL. So all these new people that want to learn will be in my palms. Lets not screw this one up, Elder Slavens. We'll all be good! Thanks for reading my boring emails! 

TOOTLES  

​We found a store that puts writing on shirts. So I took my onsie and put "kaut mjiat, Thiat mjaan" on it, which basically translates to YOLO 

​Look yiay Nat-more inspiring than DeAngelo Vikckers, the inspirational juggler 

I helped out the sisters and id a little baptism to their investigator. Her name is Tida and she drives a moped 

I've got blistas on me toesies

So I just got a haircut and guess what? When they give you haircuts here, THEY GIVE YOU MASSAGES TOO! Free of charge! Just out of the hospitality of their hearts! The guy also loved the fact that I didn't have facial hair. Sorry I am still a 12 year old girl. 

Today is June 8th, which marks a great day. Today is Ali Lee's birthday. So if any of you have her number, tell her good ole Elder Slavens wishes her the fliest birthday of all. We spent Twin Creeks to Cal High with each other. She is always in my prayers.

This week was rainy. For our preparation day last week, Elder Elieson and I watched Meet the Mormons. Rated in the top 40 documentaries of all time! I also saw the DVD logo hit the corner of the screen afterwards!!!! WAAAAHHHOOOOOO a grand day.

So this week was basically just the best ever because 2 of the people we have been teaching got baptized! YYYEEEE HAAAWWW! They were so into the church! They have seen miracles in their lives from following God's path. One is Chin kuun Thuan, and the other is Srei Mau. THEY R SO CVTE! We have taught Chin kuun Thuan for a while, and a while back we rode out to his house where he farms mangos to teach him. He said "This gospel is a fruit sweeter than any truck full of mangoes" HE IS A WIZARD. Srei Mau is a sassy little fella, and she is going to get married to someone in our branch sooo.... PARTY. It was probably the happiest I've ever been to see them make a step like baptism. Time to go help other people! 

We are trying to find people to teach, and one guy we just talked to on the side of the rode. We didn't get his name, but we refer to him as "Cambodian Jack Sparrow" because he is Cambodian Jack Sparrow. Savy? Can't wait to start teaching him! 

What I love so much about my mission is just crazy things I see. Little kids are always yelling hi to us. Cockroaches just crawl out of peoples scriptures. Everything is dirty and no one wears shoes. Everyone in church just breaks out in arguments and talks on the phone during meetings. But The gospel of Jesus Christ are forming a bond between these people. And I LOVE IT ALL AND NEVER WANT TO LEAVE MISS ME MISS ME NOW YOU GOTTA KISS ME! 

Hey, you have a good week, ok? You promise? Ok. I'll talk to you later.

temple temple big temple temple

​Child development classes came in handy when the guy we were teaching just got up and left and his baby who he said wasn't his baby started crying.  #atamatonREBORN

We call Chin kuun Thuan the Flying squirrel! 

MY SPINACH PUFFS!

Pull the lever, Elder Slavens! ...WRONG LEVER!!!!! Levers are weird. How does pulling on a lever make a toilet flush? Science is just so awesome. 

I have had some crazy dreams this week. Dreams of people following me. Dreams within dreams. Dreams OUT of dreams... I'm not even sure what is real and what isn't anymore. But what I do know is that teaching is super hard. I never realized how much missionaries taught before I left on my mission. I don't really know what I thought missionaries did. But teaching people is way fun. 

When we were teaching one of our recent converts to the church who is a 12 year old boy, he kept trying to get us to help him with his English homework. So he would show us a paper, point to a picture of a chair, and say "bush?" and I would just DIE. Then he would point to a picture of a dog, and say "bench?" and I would just lay down on the floor and actually die. Having a good laugh with people is   100

One of the Cambodian sister missionaries here told me my body type looked like the Cambodian language. So I went home and cried about that. 

A lot of the people we teach will just randomly leave and say they aren't coming back until like 3 months later. So it has been super fun getting to know people and teaching them about this gospel that I so love and then they just leave, never to be seen by me again, most likely. So It's been hard trying to get someone to stick with us all the way through to becoming a member of the church, but this week we are planning on baptized our one awesome investigator, and another investigator that was given to us by a member here who wants to marry this gurl real bad, but wants her to be a member first. Atta boy. Maybe I can get them to adopt me. Or to adopt Jack Jack. His heelys would be loved here.  

Nothin else. 

Sincerely, Baby Roy's cousin,

Elder Slavens

​Sweet dreams are made of this. A box from my mom, full of flaming hot cheetos limon. 

 ​Elder Elieson and I dropped some major bills at the American store and bought milk and butter to make no bake cookies. If you try it, you'll like it!

A special birthday note from Dallin

Will you tell everyone on dearelderslavens or whatever that it is my birthday soon and that whoever doesn't write me a letter and send it to me immediately so I get it on my birthday isn't my friend? I just want love. That's all. 

Birthday is June 14

dallin.slavens@myldsmail.net

Elder Dallin J Slavens
Cambodia Phnom Penh Mission
House 2B, Street 222
Off Norodom Blvd
PO Box 165
Phnom Penh
Kingdom of Cambodia

The Bebeish is on patrol

Well well well... We meet again. 

This week I got a blister on my big toe. We played soccer on our P-day, and for those of you who know me well, you know I am super competitive and really good at sports. SPORTS! So I played so hard that blood filled my outer layer of flesh on my meat hunks that I walk on all day. But that's ALL GOOD because afterwards we went and had a family home evening with like A TON of giant Cambodian families, and I performed "A Whole New World" for them. That's what they get for having me sit on a carpet to eat. 

We have one investigator named Chin Kuun Tuan who wants to be baptized so bad. We have taught him all the lessons except one, and he lives super far away, so we decided, "You know what?! We're goin to you!" to finish teaching him so he can get baptized. We drove out in the senior couples car (which was my first time in a car in 4 months) and met him an hour away! He lives on a mango farm, and I am 100% positive that where he lives, they have never seen LDS missionaries before. So they were really shocked to see white people who knew Cambodian. The best was during our lesson with Chin Kuun Tuan, we all took off our shoes, and the Senior Elder had Birkenstock socks. I could hardly focus after I saw those. So cool!!! 

On Sunday, we were going to meet a less active member with a member, but it turned out the member brought all of her friends, so it was Elder Elieson and I riding around town with like 4 or 5 mopeds full of homies following right behind. Seriously, we were the crew. I couldn't get a picture of it. But it was so awesome. I wanted a leather jacket. 

To wrap up, I would like share with you all the type of people who live here. We have a book of all the members or investigators here, and these are the best records I found: A family who got baptized, but they can't come to church because it was "rice season" (it is always rice season here), and they have to "watch their fish". One lady got baptized here, but she can't come to church because on the weekends she leaves to take her husband food. He is living in their second house to guard it. So he guards one house (from who, I knoweth not), and she lives in the other house, but brings him food on the weekends. I guess he just eats during the week. There is also a returned missionary who got excommunicated because he came back from his mission and decided to become a monk. Apparently the leaders of the church here love excommunicating people.There is also a member here who doesn't come to church much named "Dallin". The record said "She will come to church if you give her the duty" LOL  

My week was full of adventure, and I would like to wrap up by giving a shout out to good ole Cody Dunford because I miss that In-N-Out eating machine. See ya all next time, FOOLZ! 

​I recruited these little cuties to help me invite people to English Class

 ​If you are wondering which one is me, just look for the diamond in the rough 

HE IS SUCH A MODEL!!!! Why don't you zoom in and get a good look at his jaw line?

Now we're gonna let the talking CHEESE preach to us!

This week, I would like to start my email a little differently. I want to start it special for a special someone. This week was the FIFTIETH birthday of Mont Blanc/The Mont/The Full Monte/I'll make a Mont out of you Monte Slavens. Therefore, I would like to tell any young women to STAY AWAY from him! He is 50 now. Automatically irresistible! So no going near him. 

Lessons this week have been awesome. We have been trying to visit more recent converts to the church to help them grow their faith, and it is basically the best decision ever. We are blessed with unforgettable moments. One house we went to, there is usually just one old guy there alone, but this time we pull up and there is a party of 20 guys, with pumpin Cambodian music, who look at us and yell "HELLO!!!! COME IN!!!" It was just a big circle of guys having a jolly old time. When they saw Americans, they turned "My Heart Will Go On" on repeat for us. My new song of choice. They kept making me dance. "Don't make me dance!" I kept saying. But they kept making me dance. They then asked us to explain about our church. So we taught 20 men who were under the influence. Showed them what it was like to be above the influence. It ended up being one of my favorite lessons. The old guy next to me just took a rag and stuck it on his face while we were talking and started dancing. He said he loved me. 

In another lesson, we went to go teach someone new. He was excited to discuss religion with us. He was excited because he had a church of his own to discuss. His church was him an his family, and he asked us to call him "Marco", his spirit name. He didn't say thank you or goodbye. Only Amen. It was the best thing ever. This was a corndog cult, for sure. I barely made it out with my life. 

Our best lessons were the ones where friends and family of the recent converts came to join in, giving us more people to teach! So now we have a ton of people who want to learn from us, and they are all Cambodian. It is a treat for all. 

I have gotten to learn a lot about the culture this week. Mainly from accidentally offending people. But if Miley Cyrus has taught me anything, then I know that nobody is perfect, so I got to work it. The best cultural aspect is that the head is the most sacred part of the body. And so, when it starts raining, everyone pulls out plastic bags and sticks them over their kids heads. In America, it wouldn't really fly. Here, it's rude if you don't. 

This week I would like to encourage you all to take a moment and enjoy and be thankful for what you have. Elder Elieson and I got a moment to just look at the stars and discuss the constellations of all the ogres. A lot of self reflecting. I encourage all to just take a second, and think of who you are. And who you can become. Think about it. 

Yours truly, 

Elder Forklift foot 

When my bike broke, the need for the selfie sick became much more prevalent. 

Eventually my butt started hurting, so I decided to stand. 

Our house is literally where you go if you want to die. 

They all were fighting over who could wear my helmet. Then they begged for candy. Then they ran away to go dance in the rain. 

AND IIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEIIIIIIIIIIII WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOOOOUUUUUUUU

PRECIOU$$$