The NEW Keeper of the Keys

Transformation (noun): The act of ones self turning into another thing. 

I have transformed. 

This transformation comes from deep within. There are chickens roaming the streets of Cambodia almost all the time, and at first I used to view them as beautiful creations of God, or cute little birds, or freaky ancestors of Tyrannosaurus Rex's, but now whenever I see them, I just see a featherless hunk of meat hanging from a cart for us to buy and eat and enjoy. yuuuuuuuum

This week was BLASTEOUS! I got a new bike! WOOO HOOO! Which stinks because my other bike was awesome and had lights and flowers and flip flop thongs hanging from it, but this new one is good. I am going to buy stickers to write "Nimbus 2000" on it. Wish me luck! 

This week was swell because it started out with us just having a ton of leads for people who were maybe interested in the church. Tip offs from members, phone numbers from people on the street. It was like a crime movie. We had all the evidence, now just time to get down to the bottom of things! Then we went to the scene of the crime! We just contacted all the people we have tip offs of, and it turned out they were all super interested! So we have like a million people who want to learn from us now! IF ONLY THERE WERE 12 OF ME! But then we decided for church yesterday, we would just go round up a ton of peeps. So we just biked to everyone's house, and formed a giant gang to ride to church with us! Our efforts, plus just the greatness of others, made us have 9 investigators (prime suspects) and like a million other people we had been working with the whole time I have been here. So, you could say it was the best birthday of my life. The people at church here celebrated fathers day, even though its not until next week. So happy fathers day, I guess. 

But then, THE PHONE CALL. So it turns out my trainer, good ole Elder Elieson is leaving me! He is going to Phnom Penh while I stay here to lead out this area with a new companion! I get him later this week! So I am going to have to lead him around and introduce him to everyone. I am so dang nervous LAWL. So all these new people that want to learn will be in my palms. Lets not screw this one up, Elder Slavens. We'll all be good! Thanks for reading my boring emails! 

TOOTLES  

​We found a store that puts writing on shirts. So I took my onsie and put "kaut mjiat, Thiat mjaan" on it, which basically translates to YOLO 

​Look yiay Nat-more inspiring than DeAngelo Vikckers, the inspirational juggler 

I helped out the sisters and id a little baptism to their investigator. Her name is Tida and she drives a moped 

I've got blistas on me toesies

So I just got a haircut and guess what? When they give you haircuts here, THEY GIVE YOU MASSAGES TOO! Free of charge! Just out of the hospitality of their hearts! The guy also loved the fact that I didn't have facial hair. Sorry I am still a 12 year old girl. 

Today is June 8th, which marks a great day. Today is Ali Lee's birthday. So if any of you have her number, tell her good ole Elder Slavens wishes her the fliest birthday of all. We spent Twin Creeks to Cal High with each other. She is always in my prayers.

This week was rainy. For our preparation day last week, Elder Elieson and I watched Meet the Mormons. Rated in the top 40 documentaries of all time! I also saw the DVD logo hit the corner of the screen afterwards!!!! WAAAAHHHOOOOOO a grand day.

So this week was basically just the best ever because 2 of the people we have been teaching got baptized! YYYEEEE HAAAWWW! They were so into the church! They have seen miracles in their lives from following God's path. One is Chin kuun Thuan, and the other is Srei Mau. THEY R SO CVTE! We have taught Chin kuun Thuan for a while, and a while back we rode out to his house where he farms mangos to teach him. He said "This gospel is a fruit sweeter than any truck full of mangoes" HE IS A WIZARD. Srei Mau is a sassy little fella, and she is going to get married to someone in our branch sooo.... PARTY. It was probably the happiest I've ever been to see them make a step like baptism. Time to go help other people! 

We are trying to find people to teach, and one guy we just talked to on the side of the rode. We didn't get his name, but we refer to him as "Cambodian Jack Sparrow" because he is Cambodian Jack Sparrow. Savy? Can't wait to start teaching him! 

What I love so much about my mission is just crazy things I see. Little kids are always yelling hi to us. Cockroaches just crawl out of peoples scriptures. Everything is dirty and no one wears shoes. Everyone in church just breaks out in arguments and talks on the phone during meetings. But The gospel of Jesus Christ are forming a bond between these people. And I LOVE IT ALL AND NEVER WANT TO LEAVE MISS ME MISS ME NOW YOU GOTTA KISS ME! 

Hey, you have a good week, ok? You promise? Ok. I'll talk to you later.

temple temple big temple temple

​Child development classes came in handy when the guy we were teaching just got up and left and his baby who he said wasn't his baby started crying.  #atamatonREBORN

We call Chin kuun Thuan the Flying squirrel! 

MY SPINACH PUFFS!

Pull the lever, Elder Slavens! ...WRONG LEVER!!!!! Levers are weird. How does pulling on a lever make a toilet flush? Science is just so awesome. 

I have had some crazy dreams this week. Dreams of people following me. Dreams within dreams. Dreams OUT of dreams... I'm not even sure what is real and what isn't anymore. But what I do know is that teaching is super hard. I never realized how much missionaries taught before I left on my mission. I don't really know what I thought missionaries did. But teaching people is way fun. 

When we were teaching one of our recent converts to the church who is a 12 year old boy, he kept trying to get us to help him with his English homework. So he would show us a paper, point to a picture of a chair, and say "bush?" and I would just DIE. Then he would point to a picture of a dog, and say "bench?" and I would just lay down on the floor and actually die. Having a good laugh with people is   100

One of the Cambodian sister missionaries here told me my body type looked like the Cambodian language. So I went home and cried about that. 

A lot of the people we teach will just randomly leave and say they aren't coming back until like 3 months later. So it has been super fun getting to know people and teaching them about this gospel that I so love and then they just leave, never to be seen by me again, most likely. So It's been hard trying to get someone to stick with us all the way through to becoming a member of the church, but this week we are planning on baptized our one awesome investigator, and another investigator that was given to us by a member here who wants to marry this gurl real bad, but wants her to be a member first. Atta boy. Maybe I can get them to adopt me. Or to adopt Jack Jack. His heelys would be loved here.  

Nothin else. 

Sincerely, Baby Roy's cousin,

Elder Slavens

​Sweet dreams are made of this. A box from my mom, full of flaming hot cheetos limon. 

 ​Elder Elieson and I dropped some major bills at the American store and bought milk and butter to make no bake cookies. If you try it, you'll like it!

A special birthday note from Dallin

Will you tell everyone on dearelderslavens or whatever that it is my birthday soon and that whoever doesn't write me a letter and send it to me immediately so I get it on my birthday isn't my friend? I just want love. That's all. 

Birthday is June 14

dallin.slavens@myldsmail.net

Elder Dallin J Slavens
Cambodia Phnom Penh Mission
House 2B, Street 222
Off Norodom Blvd
PO Box 165
Phnom Penh
Kingdom of Cambodia

The Bebeish is on patrol

Well well well... We meet again. 

This week I got a blister on my big toe. We played soccer on our P-day, and for those of you who know me well, you know I am super competitive and really good at sports. SPORTS! So I played so hard that blood filled my outer layer of flesh on my meat hunks that I walk on all day. But that's ALL GOOD because afterwards we went and had a family home evening with like A TON of giant Cambodian families, and I performed "A Whole New World" for them. That's what they get for having me sit on a carpet to eat. 

We have one investigator named Chin Kuun Tuan who wants to be baptized so bad. We have taught him all the lessons except one, and he lives super far away, so we decided, "You know what?! We're goin to you!" to finish teaching him so he can get baptized. We drove out in the senior couples car (which was my first time in a car in 4 months) and met him an hour away! He lives on a mango farm, and I am 100% positive that where he lives, they have never seen LDS missionaries before. So they were really shocked to see white people who knew Cambodian. The best was during our lesson with Chin Kuun Tuan, we all took off our shoes, and the Senior Elder had Birkenstock socks. I could hardly focus after I saw those. So cool!!! 

On Sunday, we were going to meet a less active member with a member, but it turned out the member brought all of her friends, so it was Elder Elieson and I riding around town with like 4 or 5 mopeds full of homies following right behind. Seriously, we were the crew. I couldn't get a picture of it. But it was so awesome. I wanted a leather jacket. 

To wrap up, I would like share with you all the type of people who live here. We have a book of all the members or investigators here, and these are the best records I found: A family who got baptized, but they can't come to church because it was "rice season" (it is always rice season here), and they have to "watch their fish". One lady got baptized here, but she can't come to church because on the weekends she leaves to take her husband food. He is living in their second house to guard it. So he guards one house (from who, I knoweth not), and she lives in the other house, but brings him food on the weekends. I guess he just eats during the week. There is also a returned missionary who got excommunicated because he came back from his mission and decided to become a monk. Apparently the leaders of the church here love excommunicating people.There is also a member here who doesn't come to church much named "Dallin". The record said "She will come to church if you give her the duty" LOL  

My week was full of adventure, and I would like to wrap up by giving a shout out to good ole Cody Dunford because I miss that In-N-Out eating machine. See ya all next time, FOOLZ! 

​I recruited these little cuties to help me invite people to English Class

 ​If you are wondering which one is me, just look for the diamond in the rough 

HE IS SUCH A MODEL!!!! Why don't you zoom in and get a good look at his jaw line?

Now we're gonna let the talking CHEESE preach to us!

This week, I would like to start my email a little differently. I want to start it special for a special someone. This week was the FIFTIETH birthday of Mont Blanc/The Mont/The Full Monte/I'll make a Mont out of you Monte Slavens. Therefore, I would like to tell any young women to STAY AWAY from him! He is 50 now. Automatically irresistible! So no going near him. 

Lessons this week have been awesome. We have been trying to visit more recent converts to the church to help them grow their faith, and it is basically the best decision ever. We are blessed with unforgettable moments. One house we went to, there is usually just one old guy there alone, but this time we pull up and there is a party of 20 guys, with pumpin Cambodian music, who look at us and yell "HELLO!!!! COME IN!!!" It was just a big circle of guys having a jolly old time. When they saw Americans, they turned "My Heart Will Go On" on repeat for us. My new song of choice. They kept making me dance. "Don't make me dance!" I kept saying. But they kept making me dance. They then asked us to explain about our church. So we taught 20 men who were under the influence. Showed them what it was like to be above the influence. It ended up being one of my favorite lessons. The old guy next to me just took a rag and stuck it on his face while we were talking and started dancing. He said he loved me. 

In another lesson, we went to go teach someone new. He was excited to discuss religion with us. He was excited because he had a church of his own to discuss. His church was him an his family, and he asked us to call him "Marco", his spirit name. He didn't say thank you or goodbye. Only Amen. It was the best thing ever. This was a corndog cult, for sure. I barely made it out with my life. 

Our best lessons were the ones where friends and family of the recent converts came to join in, giving us more people to teach! So now we have a ton of people who want to learn from us, and they are all Cambodian. It is a treat for all. 

I have gotten to learn a lot about the culture this week. Mainly from accidentally offending people. But if Miley Cyrus has taught me anything, then I know that nobody is perfect, so I got to work it. The best cultural aspect is that the head is the most sacred part of the body. And so, when it starts raining, everyone pulls out plastic bags and sticks them over their kids heads. In America, it wouldn't really fly. Here, it's rude if you don't. 

This week I would like to encourage you all to take a moment and enjoy and be thankful for what you have. Elder Elieson and I got a moment to just look at the stars and discuss the constellations of all the ogres. A lot of self reflecting. I encourage all to just take a second, and think of who you are. And who you can become. Think about it. 

Yours truly, 

Elder Forklift foot 

When my bike broke, the need for the selfie sick became much more prevalent. 

Eventually my butt started hurting, so I decided to stand. 

Our house is literally where you go if you want to die. 

They all were fighting over who could wear my helmet. Then they begged for candy. Then they ran away to go dance in the rain. 

AND IIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEIIIIIIIIIIII WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOOOOUUUUUUUU

PRECIOU$$$ 

Feliz Cinco de Cuatro

Yo yo yo yo

I just skyped my family y'all. They are doin good. How are you? I am doin good? tooty toot too. 

So I have decided to take a poll. I have decided I want to immerse myself in the Cambodian culture more. So I am going to grow out one of my fingernails to unnatural lengths. But only one.The question goes as follows: Which fingernail should I grow out? That is all. Email your answers to dallin.slavens@myldsmail.net immediately, also followed by a selfie.

So this week like TOOOOONs happened. We saw crocodiles. Wow! Fun! The King of Cambodia came to Battambang. But also, like I said last week, so did Demi Lavoto. So... Are they the same? #SwitchedAtBirth  

Speaking of crocodiles there was a wacko rain storm and lightening was striking all around us (we almost got hit. I wanted it.) so I FINALLY got to wear my Crocs. HURRAY!!!! But yah, I almost died by being struck by mother natures curling iron. She was not happy. 

I fell on my bike again. It broke like real bad. So while it was in the shop for repairs and tender care I got to ride around on the back of my companions bike. He had to dope me around HA HA!!!!!! But jokes on me, I gave him buff legs. 

Elder Elieson and I spent a solid 10 minutes chasing around a chicken with some family. I couldn't tell if they needed the chicken, or if it was some weird, cruel game. I had fun with it. 

I hope this week for you all feels like you are weightless in the middles of the ocean, surrounded by a million tiny little seahorses. I know it will for me. That's just what happens when you serve the Cambodians. 

Love 4ever, 

Elder you CROC to be kidding me! 

Ps sorry for no pictures. They were really good this week, but I forgot my camera at my house. for sure selfies will be posted next week.

We've been here before... We're going in circles!

The world is changing... I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air... Elder Slavens must be becoming a stronger Elder day by day.

 

Yes. It is true. I am becoming more powerful. More powerful than ever. Not only my thighs. But spiritually as well.

Ok. So this week was just so cool. So dope, man. We had some really good lessons. In our English class this week, we taught all of our students "Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 7 ATE 9!" and they didn't get it at all. In one lesson to this awesome family, one of the kids cut his hand on something, so he ran inside and came back with a needle and some thread. He then commenced to sew up his hand in the middle of the lesson. I want you all to imagine this other lesson we had. Imagine reading the scriptures with someone in their house, and then all of the sudden a cow walks in to the house, stares at you, burps, turns around, and leaves. Best lesson of my life. We have an investigator who is having a couple of troubles, but luckily we were able to get to his house and teach him. But it was really too bad his neighbor was getting married, because they had a huge party next door with music bumping so loud, that you couldn't hear yourself. What were the lyrics, you ask? Yup. The F word over and over again. But when you focus real hard, you can still feel the spirit. I promise.

 

Battambang has started stormin up somethin real good, recently. It gets super windy, and I almost get pushed off my bike, and when I open my eyes, I get a coating of dirt on my eyeballs. There's always a coating of dirt on my teeth now. But the best is when it starts raining. All the Cambodians put on their panchos and when they get going fast on their motos it looks like the swarm of dementors by the black lake in the Prisoner of Azkaban! The rain is INTENSE!! It's the best! The rats have definitely started trying to take cover too. You can hear them all the time above our ceiling tiles. One day a tile will brake and it's gonna be just like the scene in Ratatouille tee hee.

 

Do you all remember the investigator I told you about who said he had 4 wives, one more on the way, and then he just left and we never heard from him again? Well, he's back. Not back in Battambang. He just called us to let us know that he is going to the young single adults activity that is happening in the main city, Phnom Penh. So that's pretty cool he is still interested in the church! But I'm afraid he might leave the activity with a couple more wives... 5 isn't enough. He is seriously the man. I love all of our investigators and all the members. They are so crazy!

 

Being out here and teaching is so awesome! This week we had the oppurtunity to fast on Fast Sunday, and MAN was that special! When you have specific reasons for fasting it is way cool! You can see the miracles that comes from it. So next month, everyone should be fassting like crazy. I love you all! You are all my best friends! Stay fr3sh

 

Elder Slavens

PS you should all be jealous because Demi Lavato will be performing in Cambodia on May 5th. You can imagine how stoked I am.

An Elder who lived in the house I'm in before me left behind some treasures. I claimed every last one of them.

#iPhoneScreenSaver?

5 people on one moto is the record so far, I think. They're all pretty small, though. 

I'll keep you updated when I see more record breakers.

My dope zone

PULL UPS. ASAP.

Hey hey you you I don't like America. Cambodia is where it's at.

Yikees, people! I'm currently sitting in an internet cafe and the Cambodian has DONE things to my stomach! So my mind is on other things rn. Sorry if this email doesn't make sense. Actually, I think it was the fruit we ate from our back yard. Right before I came here, we were hanging out with our land lord, and she was showing us around our own backyard (weird lol), and it turns out it is a winter wonderland! There's just like bananas and coconuts and mangoes and everything just growing back here! But she gave us this fruit from a mysterious tree kinda in the corner that was sketchy looking, and I took a bite, and there was just like worms crawling out of my mouth. So I GOT WORMS. That's what I'm gonna call it! 

Not really though. But maybe tee hee. Last week for our pday after we emailed we went and rode on a bamboo train. Google image it. It's sketch. I sat next to a naked baby. He kinda stowed away. I don't know who his parents were. I guess me, now. He is living in our house now. I fashioned him clothes out of old water bottles. I've seen more naked people this week then my whole life. Cambodians just don't like clothes. 

I got called "Mr. Handsome" by a little boy trying to sell me a bracelet this week. Self esteem boost. I also wet the bed one night har har har har. Self esteem drop. I guess I just drank too much water the night before. Go before you sno', people! I sleep on the top bunk too. Elder Elieson said he was unaffected. He is the greatest trainer ever.  

If there is anything that I do know, you can never EVER predict the things that will happen on a mission. We were riding our bikes one day, and there was this massive coconut in my path, and I knew that I was supposed to ride around it, but my arms just didn't move. I didn't turn. So I ran over the coconut and FLEW out of control! I smashed into the street. Then I hopped up, looked at all the Cambodians watching me with shock, stared at them silently for a second, and then said, pointing to the coconut: "God has placed this coconut in my path so that I could talk to you this day!" Hahahahaha. They were kinda interested. We also got a call one day, asking if we could give a blessing to a lady who I had never met before, and we headed over, and she almost looked like she was dead. I was seriously so scared. She kept screaming and I didn't know what to do and her kids were running around scared, and there was crying coming from inside, and I was just trying to talk to her about help she was receiving from the gospel. She said she knew it and had great faith. Elder Elieson gave her a blessing, and then the woman who was in the house crying RAN at us, grabbed us, and started yell-praying/singing/giving us blessings as she pet are arms. It was amazing. I held it together, surprisingly. 

It is also super crazy how much we are trying to build the church here. They just got hymn books in Cambodian, so we taught a class on new hymns, and just sang them for a while to teach the new tunes. They are such good singers here. We also are having troubles getting to be self reliant. They are pretty used to relying on the church for money, and are mad that the church wants to get them to be more self reliant. So this coming week will be filled with going from house to house and telling people of the blessings which will come from trying your hardest before you ask for help. But Heavenly Father is blessing these people for being so faithful even though the church is so new. I love working with people and teaching them. 

Cambodia is a crazy awesome place. I saw a mannequin outside a store the other day that looked like my mom. I miss you, mom.  I miss you all, in fact. I hope you all can remember who you are. Because I remember. I always will. 

Love from all corners of the planet and space time continuum, Elder Vwin (what they started calling me, because slavery just ain't as cool as it sounds) 

​Heeeyyyyyyyyyy Bamboo train 

On the TRAIL we blaze! 

​I finally got to eat a duck embryo egg thing. In Cambodian it's called "baby duck egg" It tastes like heaven. And has feathers. And was given to me by a random guy. Then, as a kind gesture, I tried to pay for the eggs he had ordered, but I just ended up saying to the lady "I would like to buy that man's eggs" It just doesn't sound right. I got laughed at very much. 

I'm still Gucci

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to anyone who had a birthday this past week!!! I giveth to you my love. 

This week was wack, man. Seriously, none of us are sure what happened. It went so slow. But so fast. So mellow. BUT SO CRAZY. 

Basically it started at last P-day, where we went to this mountain where tourists go and climbed around. First, some Cambodians in costumes tried to get us to pay them money to get into this public mountain, but my compy Elder Elieson said he was a translator and we got in scot free. Then, the mountain was INFESTED by little Cambodian boys who just ran around showing white people where to go, and then asking for money. But they really liked hanging out with us because we knew Cambodian. They didn't want our filthy money. Just our friendship. They really liked my leg hair. They were like the lost boys from Peter Pan. A ton of little boys running around this weird land with no adult supervision. I'll live there one day. 

Then Cambodian New Years started... That was the end of it all. No one wanted to meet with us. They all just wanted to go Partaaaay! So we kinda had to just dance our way into the party and then sneak little conversations about our church in there. We did get to meet one guy though! We meet him at a New Years party, and he had already heard of our church before and had even learned from the missionaries years ago, so he was ready to learn more! We started teaching him then and there at the party, but then he just casually said "Hey! I'm getting married in a couple months! But I hope it doesn't make my other wives mad..." Turns out he had 4 wives waiting for him in Siem Riep. So we didn't really know what to do. It was awesome. We've been talking with him a little, helping him out, teaching him whats right, but he told us he's leaving for a couple months and he'll be back. We can teach him then. I'm not really sure, but I think teaching him was just a weird dream. I'll miss him. 

Every where we biked this week, we got pelted by kids on the side of the road throwing water balloons and baby powder at bikers and moped drivers. Then when people saw us with crap all over our faces, they were like, "Congratulations! You look so pretty!" There was a sweet party at our church building on Wednesday night where they had these games like "who can fill up a balloon up the fastest" and "who can eat a hard boiled egg the fastest". I hope you all know I have been training NINE WEEKS in the MTC for the hard boiled egg game. I crushed them. First place prize was toothpaste. Unreal. I was so excited beyond belief. Then the party ended with a dance party. I was all over that. The best part about music in Cambodia is it is what was popular in America years ago. They are still freaking out about "What Does The Fox Say" and "Let it Go". So if you hear some song back in the US, I'll hear it probably right when I'm about to come home. I'm currently trying my hardest to teach "It's Friday". I tell them to look it up and show their friends. 

New Years didn't end until this morning. Everyone is finally getting back and ready to get their butts taught off by me. Church was awesome because during second and third hours Elder Elieson and I were asked to teach all the young men and young women. They are so scary. Vicious animals. They gave me food though. 

This week I got to give my first blessing in Cambodian! Which I never thought would be possible. But one of our members we visit kind of often, had head issues, and asked if I'd give her a blessing. So I was like "ok, here goes nothing!" and it was totally cray. But it just shows how much faith the people here have. Faith enough to ask the Lord to bless them through someone with the proper authority. Faith is cool! 

Hey, I just hope you all had a swell week. If it wasn't as swell, email me about your sorrows, and I will do my best to mend them. No one emailed me pictures they drew of the Vietnamese hunchback of Notre Nam. I'm disappointed. I hope you all kill it and HAGS.

Love, Elder Slave-Daddy 

​The Lost Boys. Hide yo kids. Hide yo wife. 

​The grass is always greener. The cockroaches are always crunchier.

​I look so good

They call me the raging beater, because my bike has been transformed into the fastest model yet, the Nimbus 2000

This fiend was hanging out on our wall until Elder Elieson and I battled him for basically a full day. He was bigger than an iPhone 5 or a PSP or your average bidet.

​

​We usually dance around and try and get these ballers to learn English for free with us.

David Hasselhoff goin up on a Tuesday

I was SHOCKED this week to hear that my companion and every one else in Battambang has been on their missions so long that they haven't even heard "Squad Goin Up on a Tuesday". So I've been teaching like I've never taught before. Playing a little game of ketchup. 

HEY EVERYONE!!! This week was so swell. Especially ending it with Conference. BUT WE'LL GET TO THAT. First off, I would just like to explain some of the things I see on a regular basis here in Cambodia. For some reason everyone is always towing giant trailers of dirt on their motos. Like, how much dirt does one person need? Apparently they all need a lot. Reminds me of Brian Regan talking about logs. In a store I saw egg flavored cereal. I almost died. That's about it. If I think of more, you'll be the first to know. 

So this week was cool because one morning we got to do service. Turned out service was going to this ladies house and chopping out her grass with dull scythes while she watched. And she had a lot of grass. But afterwards I got to battle her kids who were training in Muay Thai! I kicked their butts. 

We taught some pretty good lessons. In one, I kept saying we should strive to be wicked. The word for wicked and the word for righteous are very similar. In another lesson, there was this little kid listening, and then he ran in the house all of the sudden, and ran back out butt naked with a squirt gun and started yelling "ELDER ELDER! SHOOT ME!!!" I had to. 

So basically this week and next week are gonna be really weird. This week was weird-ish because we got to watch General Conference!!!! Which is NOT the same when you are a missionary. You pay FULL attention when you are a missionary. So I encourage all of you to go re-watch it and pretend that you are missionaries! But NEXT week is Cambodian New Year, which is basically a week long excuse to not work and just party. No one wants to listen to some lame Missionaries teach. So instead, we are going to be spending all our time going to members parties (Yessssss...) and cleaning our house. We have to make some area maps, so hopefully my geocaching skills will come in handy. I always knew they would. 

Also I had a dream that I walked into this store that sold Beanie Babies that were combinations of animals (horse dogs, bird frogs, etc.) and then the guy looked at me and said, "there are 2 types of animals we NEVER use for our stuffed animals. Silver back gorillas, and The Vietnamese Hunchback of Notre Nam". So if any of you want to draw up a guess of what you think the Vietnamese Hunchback of Notre Nam looks like, be my guest and please email it to me. The winner's will be posted on my blog next week. Have a $W@G 7 days. Happy Cambodian New Year.

Tootles. 

Elder Slavens

​No better lesson than a lesson to 3 little kids in a tuk yuk

​Servin' up swag

I watched some old dudes play chess for a while. I cheered on the one on the left. 

Hey, Elder Slavens! Are those $15 Nike Elites? Nope!
They are 25 cent socks I bought from a member here in Battambang.

My FATHER didn't STRUT... and nor do I

Well.... Well well well. Like I CAN'T EVEN RN!!!!!!!!! 

Srsly folks, there are no words to describe this week. It has been the funniest week of my life. Not only because every morning when I wake up I forget that I am in Cambodia and no one speaks English until I walk outside of my door, but also I am 100% convinced someone is trying to kill me and make me fail. 

There is no better way to describe the events of this week than your typical bullet point thing. So here we go:

1. So I lost our house key so a member had to come break our lock off with a big tree branch 

2. Our phone dropped off my bed and broke so we had to buy a new one

3. We lost a butt ton of our contacts from the phone somehow 

4. I was biking to a members house and some guy on a moped came up and hit me and I flew off my bike. All I could do was shout "SORRY!" in Cambodian. Worst part was I spilled all my water #THIRSTY 

5. When I exchanged my money the clever Cambodian ladies tried to give me $40 less than what I gave them 

6. While we were reading the scriptures with a family, some European dude (uggg... WHITE people...) walked up and starting yelling at us about how dumb we are for doing missionary work. His direct quote: "Have you ever stopped to think about what you are doing? Why don't stop what you are doing, find a corner, and think about what you are doing for 3 months!"

7. Mosquitoes eat me alive, so I'm pretty sure I have Malaria 

8. I was at a recent converts house, and their dog came up and bit me on the hand. So I'm pretty sure I have rabies too

9. The Cambodian language 

OK NOW STOP. Don't you DARE for one second think that missions are a bad idea. Because although I almost died a million times, I LLLLLLLLLOVED every second of it!!! I just laugh it all off and it is so dang fun and I love being here and helping people! We are helping to bring happiness into the lives of the people we serve and teach, and now I'm like the happiest ever! How, do you ask, will I show you this? WHY THROUGH BULLET POINT THING, OF COURSE!!! 

1. The families and people here are the coolest. And they love when we come over to share the scriptures with them. 

2. My companion is the coolest guy in the whole country of Cambodia 

3. One night when we were biking home, a guy named Bantheng yelled at us to stop and he told us he really wanted to learn from the missionaries. 

4. When we were eating breakfast once, we stopped and talked with this swag master named Sopat who knew nothing about our church, but when we asked if he wanted to learn about it on Saturday, he said "Can I learn from you guys on Sunday too?" ... Ummmm YES SIR. We have already taught him some. When we taught him, I was the one to ask him if we would be baptized! He said he wanted to find out if the church was true first. And I was like "go ahead, buddy". And he loved coming to church with us on Easter (PS Happy Easter everyone! Not even the members here know about Easter. No one talked about it in church. It was hilarious) 

5. My companion, Elder Elieson, have perfected a burrito recipe from ingredients that we bought in some American-ish store 

6. I just figured out I can type in different colors 

7. The members here are wacko and everyone here is wacko and I love love love it 

8. I can feel how the Lord blesses me and helps me help others 

So before I end, I would just like to explain point 7 really fast. So on April first (which I don't know if April Fools had anything to do with this) we were visiting a members house, and she randomly asked us if we saw the sun today. "ummmmm I guess?" She was like "NO. There wasn't A sun today. There were FIVE! It's a sign of the second coming!" So we were like "what the heck? lawl" and left, but then throughout the day like 3 different people told us about the five suns. So I don't know if they were just pranking the Burangs, but if there was an above-average number of suns on April 1st, will someone let me know? Thank you 

Yah, so basically this week was awesome. Just so crazy. We taught some real good lessons. Felt the spirit solid as a rock. And just got pumped again to finally be in Cambodia! PS!!! I heard Bangkok is getting a temple! THAT IS AWESOME!!! Bangkok is seriously RIGHT next to Battambang. So the members are pumped. I'm pumped. You are all awesome. Keep goin loco! 

Love, always and forever, but still I love technology, 

Elder Slavens (but as they call me here, Elder Shoe, Elder Banana, and Elder Hallelujah) 

PS Send me letters, people. It's fun for all. It's free on dearelder.com 

Elder (fill in the blank of a nickname) Slavens 

Cambodia Phenom Penh Mission

House #2B, Street 222 off Norodom

P.O. Box 165, Phenom Penh, Cambodia 

​After I got bit and washed off the wound. I was bleeding a truck load. 

​When I got rabies 

​These little thieves are always taking all my things

​"Battambang" means "lost stick". This is the owner of the stick. People praise him.

​We out here. I teach lessons to an old lady right by here. She has the most chickens in all of Cambodia. 

​Happy Easter 

​A very happy Easter indeed 

Cambodia's People Party

Well, hello everyone.

Yes. I have made it. And I think I am going to die.

Cambodia is insane. Let me start from the beginning.

We left the MTC on Tuesday and flew for like a million hours to get here. The Salt Lake Airpot had no Asians, and then a couple of Asian people flew to LA, and then every one flying to Hong Kong was Asian, and then flying to Cambodia every one was Cambodian. I sat next to an old Cambodian lady on the plane and told her I needed help reading the Book of Mormon and just had her read it to me hahahah.

When we got to Cambodia, MY GOSH was it just cray cray!!! Like trees everywhere. Chickens everywhere. English nowhere. I'm learning fast.

We spent our first hour here just walking the streets and talking to people. I was crying on the inside. IT'S SO FUN HARDLY KNOWING ANYTHING!!! When we were allowed to go to bed, I fell STRAIGHT asleep because of jet lag. And then I had a dream. I dreamed I was going to Battambang, South, which is the name of a province in Cambodia.

AND IT HAPPENED!!! There is no such thing as Battambang, South, but that is because there are only 6 missionaries in this tiny little province. I thought for sure I was going to serve in the big main city of Phenom Penh. But NOPE! My trainer companion is Elder Elieson. He is SO COOL!!! We get along great! He loves Les Mis, so when we sing it, he takes Eponine while I take Marius. We had a long 6 hour bus ride ahead of us, so we set off. The bus had karaoke and crazy Thai action movies. So that felt like a dream.

The next couple of days have been crazy. We bike all over in the jungle on dirt roads. There are animals and bugs everywhere. Everyone is SO NICE and love Americans! And I love them!!! I make them laugh because I'm super dumb. The old ladies ESPECIALLY love me. I'm actually a little afraid. I don't want them to take me. The members love to help the missionaries here. There are 2 little boys who bike around with us and help us teach lessons. I really wish I could talk to them better.

Church on Sunday was the best. Like seriously, THE BEST. The power went out like 100 times. No one wore shoes. Babies just crawl around and everyone just talks to each other. People just talk on the phone during sacrament. AND IT IS SO AWESOME!!!! Even though it is crazy hectic here, I still feel like I have Christ as a rock for me (and I need it). You guys, helping people is the best. I'm gonna put some pictures, and I hope you have wonderful weeks. I love serving. I hope you all can see the blessings you all have in your lives, because WE ALL have blessings in our lives!

BE SAFE!!!!!

PS They don't have toilet paper in Cambodia. Only bidets. 

​Long live the provo MTC 

My dope new companion. Everything about him reminds me of me when I was cool.

​Just everything is so great! 

A million kitties with my favorite little kid 

​Average day of swag 

​How people live here

I've eaten the orange Thruan stuff everyday so far

​My housy house.

​The road that leads to the market right outside my housy house.