The Wedding Singers

I would like to open up this time for all of you to email me any question. Any question at all. And I will answer it for you. 

But just so you don't ask me "Hey Elder Slavens (the one and only), what are you doing RIGHT NOW?", I will answer that one at this moment.  

I am currently sitting in my little internet cafe emailing all you people while a very charitable internet cafe owner is playing Beyonce on his computer out loud. Oh, how I miss The Queen B. 

So I would like to take this time to explain the wedding I went to this week. We have a member in our branch who is amazing. And one day he told us to start teaching this girl that we had never met because it was the woman he loved and he wants her to learn about Jesus Christ so he can marry her. So we were like "Ok!" So we taught her and she got baptized a couple weeks ago. NOW he just raised enough money to have a wedding, so we were invited. And the wedding was done in the church building. At 9:00 in the morning. So we showed up. We were then asked if we (the Elders and Sisters) could perform a musical number for the wedding. So we spent minimal amounts of time preparing a rendition of "Love is Spoken Here" in Cambodian. Then the wedding begins. It was an hour long. Someone was asked to give the opening prayer, but he wasn't wearing a white shirt. So instead of choosing someone else, they made the guy go home, change into nicer clothes, and come back to pray to open this grand event. Then one of the members stands up to give a talk. He went up to the pulpit with a Word of Wisdom pamphlet, so you KNOW that was a good talk to give at a wedding! Then the ceremony... The branch president said some words, and then asked if the broom and gride would kiss. The broom had to pump himself up. He went in for the kiss... she declined! He went in again! She declined once more... He went in AGAIN! AND TARGET ACQUIRED! DIRECT HIT! It lasted for maybe 4 seconds. She was NOT kissing back. It was amazing and heart warming. Cambodians do not kiss each other or show affection in public, so it was a beautiful moment. Then, to finish it off, yours truly and the other missionaries sang our song. We were definitely the highlight. The moment all were waiting for. The grand finale. We stole the show and the hearts of all there. It was too good, really. Then a closing hymn by the congregation, "Did you think to pray?" A perfect hymn for a wedding. 

Also, the broom asked me if he could use my suit for the wedding. I thought he was going to wear it, but actually the gride's dad who had no hands and one eye wore it. I tried to take a picture with him wearing my suit, but I FAILED YOU ALL!!!!! He made that suit look good though. I also have not gotten my suit back, and probably never will get it back. So that is ok. 

Basically for the missionary work in Battambang, it has been dope. We have been pumped up and just working our hineys off lately! Believe it or not, talking to random people on the street about my church has been kinda weird for me, but then I was like "ehhh WHATEVER! I'm here, might as well try my best!" So my companion and I worked our butts off and talked to a million people and had so many lessons with members. And all our work paid off (I think)! We have a pretty sweet line up of people who want to hear about our church! So cool! So I am doing pretty good here! 

We had one day that was just hilarious because everything went wrong and my companion's, Elder Reeves, bike broke, and no one knew how to fix it. And we were supposed to be helping a member move houses, but the bike situation made us miss our appointment with him! hehe OOPS. So I just followed the words from that one song in Pitch Perfect and kept my head up wooo woooo. You do the same! 

DON'T BE AFRAID TO BE YOU! 

Love, Elder Slavens

​Chaaaaaaa, the markets here have the sickest mannequins, broooo. Catch you l8tr, I gotta go hit up some gnarly waves 

​So professional 

​Super straws for sale! $1

​THE WEDDING

​If anyone can decipher this Cambodian message, I will send you a piece of Cambodian candy in the mail. 

What are you, CHICKEN?

The 4th of July was literally the most beautiful holiday I have ever celebrated in my life. All of the missionaries here in my zone got together, and we had pulled pork sandwiches, which had REAL BBQ SAUCE! And then I sang the national anthem to honor my country which I so dearly love. It brought tears. Tears were had. Then we had a flag ceremony, followed by stories of our great country being shared with each other. A little piece of home, here in Cambodia. I enjoyed drawing fireworks on paper and then making explosion sounds. 

Last week my companion and I killed a chicken and ate it. There was a member here who was like "I've got some extra chickens if you want one!" So we're like "Ok" and we go to his house, where we have to chase down some chickens, wrestle them into our arms, tie up their legs, and then lie em down on the floor. The member handed me a knife. "Make it gentle", he said. I then raise the knife over my head. I look into the eyes of the chicken that would provide me a full stomach. I plead for forgiveness. I then mercilessly bring the knife down to the ground. It was the best chicken I have ever had. We ate EVERY part of the chicken you can imagine. EVERY. PART. 

For this week, all of our teaching hasn't been too exciting. We still haven't found too many more people who want to learn from us. So we are spending our time trying to strengthen the members who are already a part of this gospel, and especially trying to strengthen families. We have planned on meeting 3 families where the whole family comes to church except for big papa. We will help these families become whole once again. WE WILL CONQUER! 

Until we meet again, 

Yours truly,

Sincerely yours, 

Elder Monster Breath (I was told my breath stinks by some members) 

Red white a blue, baby. My trash bag flag was taped to my bike all day. 

​Before

​After 

​The gospel "MOOved" his life.

​They twin with that moped behind them. I want airbender robes so bad. 

Last night I had a dream about In N Out

MY NEW COMPANIONS NAME IS RUSSELL!!! Who would have guessed I would ever be companions with a Russell. Are you jealous? Yah... I thought so. 

So in this week of my life I did lots. Me and Elder Russell Reeves have been together for a week now, and it has been a whole lot of showing him around and introducing people to him. He makes these Cambodians laugh more than milk makes my stomach hurt. Which when you drink weird Japanese milk that you shouldn't trust, it hurts me a lot. 

So far I have been just flopping around in life trying to find people to go teach while my companion follows me because he doesn't know the people or the area, but I am being helped as I flop. Heavenly Father likes to scoop me up with his spatula and flip me over onto my other side so I can cook for a little more on the other side. It gets nice and relaxing, but then I start to sizzle and freak out. But every time, Heavenly Father scoops me up and flips me over again. If you don't think God is real and you have never experienced this, I SWEAR TO YOU it's real. You just need to open your eyes a little bit and pray for help to see it. And it will come. But of course, it will come. Sorry if that was harsh. I have become harsh on my mission. 

HEY! But good news! Monday are the days where we get to do fun activities, and today we are going to someones house who will helo us choose, murder, and eat our very own chickens! I am currently trying to choose a name for my chicken. Maybe he'll be Larry? Either way, he'll be in my stomach! Woo hoo! 

My older Brother Chance just got home from his mission everyone, so you should all go hunt him down and try and hang out with him. He's probably looking for a wife right about now. You single? He's wantin to mingle! 

Toots. Elder Danger 

​Would you like to touch my monkey? It stole my ice cream :'( 

​I don't know if this is offensive or not, but Mermaid Man and Barnacle Boy are life 

​Do you know the muffin man? 

The muffin man? 

THE MUFFIN MAN! 

The one who lives on Dreary lane? 

Well... she's... related to the muffin man. 

the muffin man? 

THE MUFFIN MAN!!!!!! 

How the Heck am I Supposed to Come Up with a Clever Subject Line At a Time Like This?

First and foremost, everyone, I need to correct what I said last week about Matthew being the apostle that followed Judas. That's super untrue and I had a brain fart last week and I hope nobody used that as a spiritual thought for FHE or anything like that 'cause it was all false doctrine. It was actually Matthias. Whoops. Now I sound as dumb as Tim.

Think what you will about me and my stupid brain. I still got swag.

Anyway, I suppose this is it, folks. As of this Thursday I will no longer be a set apart missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

In essence, I'm dying.

Just like Moroni when he was writing up his final thoughts before HE died! And I think that's just fitting, because some of the stuff that he wrote about that day is the stuff that I myself would like to write about this day. You see, our mission has been focusing a lot recently on obtaining a change of heart. The main focal point of this change is working on developing Christlike attributes, or traits that make up the character of Christ. As I've flipped through the pages of Preach My Gospel I've really come to recognize what those things are that will drive me to be more like Jesus, and the more I study His life and attributes, the more I believe that the ultimate common denominator of all the Christlike attributes is charity.

I find it interesting that Moroni, being a super old fart with a lot of different experiences under his belt, decided to wrap up his dying testimony with thoughts on charity. You'd figure there would be lots of other stuff he could talk about, right? He could have talked for days about his war stories, or what it was like to be the last Nephite alive, or even how the Atonement changed his life. But nah. To Moroni, all of those concepts bowed to the idea of charity. BUT WHY?

Just listen to him talk about it: "And charity suffereth long, and is kind, and envieth not, and is not puffed up, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil, and rejoiceth not in iniquity but rejoiceth in the truth, beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, endureth all things." How dope. RIGHT? Since this mountain of a man thought charity so important as his life came to a close, I figured it would just make sense for me to take on the same idea. So I decided to study the snot out of it.

I learned that charity is the pure love of Christ. I learned that Charity is what we feel for that hobo on the side of the road who we recognize as a child of God, so we're prompted to go buy him a burger. Charity is what causes us to forgive our little brother for breaking our favorite toy. Charity is what softens our heart when we feel like the whole world is against us. Charity makes the world go round.

Now let's talk about brownies for a sec.

Brownies are like the chillest thing ever, right? I love brownies. If I wanna make a yummy batch of brownies, ideally I would start with a recipe for yummy brownies. You can't make yummy brownies without first knowing what you need to put in the bowl. So you follow the recipe! And what happens if you don't? If I want to make brownies, but I forget to put in the cocoa, or the eggs, or the sugar, will I still have brownies? Heck no, I'll just have some nasty oily goop. Gross. But I follow the recipe, and within 45 minutes I have the yummiest brownies I ever done tasted.

Wouldn't it be nice if we had a recipe for charity? I sure wish someone would line out for me all of the ingredients whose sum is charity! That would be so... WAIT.

Charity suffereth long. A person with charity is patient in enduring his trials, as well as the shortcomings of others.

Charity is kind. A person with charity always has a smile on his face, and doesn't use sarcasm or passive-aggression to try and prove a point.

Charity envieth not. A person with charity is happy to see others succeed.

Charity is not puffed up. A person with charity is meek and humble; not quick to point out his own personal accomplishments, but rather to uplift others.

Charity seeketh not her own. A person with charity looks first to serve others rather than himself.

Charity is not easily provoked. A person with charity has a long fuse. He doesn't get frustrated when things don't go as planned, or people don't act as expected or desired.

Charity thinketh no evil. A person with charity doesn't try to find loopholes or justify or make excuses. That's how Satan rolls.

Charity rejoiceth not in iniquity. A person with charity doesn't give in to temptation, no matter how appealing or harmless it may seem.

Charity rejoiceth in the truth. A person with charity desires to share the gospel with others, and finds joy in studying the scriptures and going to church.

Charity beareth all things. A person with charity sticks it out even when things get tough and sticky. He doesn't give up or give in to old habits.

Charity believeth all things. A person with charity is not naive or gullible, but rather faithful. He has a "prove it wrong" attitude rather than a "prove it right" one.

Charity hopeth all things. A person with charity has a positive attitude about life. He goes with the flow, but also doesn't just sit back and watch life pass by. He makes a move and takes a stand.

Charity endureth all things. A person with charity is steadfast and immovable. Blow after blow he comes out on top every time, stronger than before.

That's the recipe! This is how we gain charity! Breaking it down and getting good at all of these things is exactly how we fulfill the commandment to be perfect, even as our Father in Heaven is perfect. Moroni had it down, and I want to get it down too. If I've learned anything on my mission, it's that charity truly is what separates the boys from the men. Not muscles. Not how many baptisms they got. Charity.

Though my full-time mission may be wrapping up, my life-long mission to become like my Savior has only just begun. Charity is where it starts, and perfection is where it ends. LET'S DO THIS.

I appreciate more than I can say all of the support I've gotten from my friends and family over the last two years. Thanks for all the letters and notes and boxes of candy and whatever else it may be. You guys pulled me through all this.

Once and for all: peace out, suckas.

Elder Slavens

YO YO YO YO YO YO

YO YO YO YO YO YO 

How it be? This is me. Whats new? I want to show. you. lawl like Tom Riddle in the diary. 

So wack things, people. Everything has changed. I have stayed here in Battambang, the province here in Cambodia. But my last companion LEFT waaaaaa. I cry every night. I miss him more than I miss watching Spongebob. But my new companion, Elder Reeves, WOW is he good! He is just SO friendly! He makes every one happy! He smiles super big and he is like 100,000% sincere. Sincerier than me 4 sure. 

We just spent all the time before Elder Elieson left going around and saying bye to people and giving short-little spiritual thoughts. Because now they are just stuck with me. I have to lead around my new companion who doesn't know the area and I have to use Cambodian like a fire fighter has to use fire swords. Slashing and burning, baby. Its super crazy and fun. 

My favorite moment of the week was when I was asked if I like bread or rice better. I of course chose chocolate. And then I was informed that if I eat bread and white soy milk, my skin will turn lighter and lighter. Until I am invisible, I guess? And if I eat rice and chocolate soy milk I will turn darker and darker until I am Cambodian. 

See ya ya'll. My new compy is from Texas. Like me old one. I don't see whats so special about dumb old Texas. He is 18. I am 19 (lol). Now I am catching on to Texas language though. 

Also as I told stories of my father to the other missionaries here to honor the day set apart for the honoring of our fathers, I got them all to burst into a round of applause. Congratulations, Monte. You are a star. 

​AND I FOUND KARAOKE!!!! 

The tears will literally never stop flowing. RIP Elder 

​But it is ok because I got to be companions with 2 other bawlers for a day! 

​And my new All-Star companion, Elder Reeves! He gets the game on. This was the day after he got here. All of the young men and young women taking us to all the less active peoples house. SO FRESH 

If Only I Knew My Bible

FIRST OFF I WANNA GIVE A BIG DIGITAL SMOOCH TO DALLIN SLAVENS THE BIG PARTY BOY 'CAUSE HE'S ONE YEAR OLDER AND HOPEFULLY AT LEAST A LITTLE BIT WISER TOO SO HAPPY BIRTHDAY YOU OLD TOOT! 

This week was lots of fun and hecka stressful and super chill and everything in between and all on the sides and stuff. It was crazy.

Without further adyou (is that right, Brandon?) lemme tell you about Tim. We went to the house of one of our recent converts this week and were greeted at the door by none other than Tim. We had never met Tim before but were excited to have the opportunity to talk to a new dude who might have some potential to be interested. The moment he sees our name tags he gets this wild creepy smile on his face and is all like "Oooh, this is gonna be fun." He's got a fat can of beer in his hand and he's not wearing a shirt and his eyes are freaky and I just wish I could form for you a proper picture of this guy. Anyway he proceeds into this rant about how the doctrinal views of Mormons are completely stupid and irrelevant because we don't believe Jesus Christ to be God when in fact we do. Now, keep in mind this is me typing this out, certainly not Tim. So I may make it sound smarter than it actually would have sounded. Tim's all like "Do you know your Bible?" We're like "Well we try our best." He's like "Who was the first apostle after Judas?" We're like "Matthew." He's like, "Uhm.. uh. YEAH SO EXACTLY LIKE PAUL WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE ONE AFTER JUDAS BUT MATTHEW WAS CHOSEN BY THE FLESH NOT BY GOD AND YOU MARMENS SUCK CUZ YOU DON'T THINK JESUS IS GOD." And he just kept going and going and spitting and he was drunk and ew. So I raised my hand like in elementary school to say something and he got all bewildered that I wanted to say something but he eventually calmed down enough to let be get in my two cents. I asked, "So, what exactly is it we're accomplishing here? Because I don't remember anywhere in the Bible where it says we should behave like this." And he just stopped. The spirit had bailed quite a bit back and that's probably one of the worst feelings for me so I was just like "Yeaaaah we're gonna leave" so we ditched. Bashers are the pits. And that's my story about Tim. You can share it for spiritual thoughts during FHE or something if you like.

We also had a fun experience this week helping one of our part-member families high-tail it out of their house because they were evicted. The housing complex they lived in has a super strict "no alcohol" policy because it's welfare housing, and the man of the house is a heavy alcoholic. So long story short the people found out and were like "well you have to be out of here by 4:00 3 days from now" and so everybody freaked out. They asked for our help and we went over and spent quite a bit of time helping them pack everything up and throw it out on the lawn. It was a complete mess. And the whole time the wife was like "Oh no, I'm gonna have a nervous breakdown" and she would sit down on the couch for 20 minutes to de-stress (I'm pretty sure it was just and excuse to not do anything). So yeah, I dunno this is a good story but it was quite an ordeal to live through. We eventually got the whole house out onto the front lawn and they put everything into a pickup and VROOM they were off. I'm not really sure where they are now but it was rather climactic!

We also have 2 other missionaries living with us right now because their bathroom is being gutted and re-gutted so you KNOW we're gonna watch Meet the Mormons and eat popcorn and chill super hard.

That's my life. If you just read that whole thing then I love you.

Elder Slavens

In the Zone

Going on a hike for FHE in pross. Look at us, we're such a big deal

This is Joe, my new best friend. I wish I could describe him to you.

Don't drink, it'll get you evicted and this will happen.

The NEW Keeper of the Keys

Transformation (noun): The act of ones self turning into another thing. 

I have transformed. 

This transformation comes from deep within. There are chickens roaming the streets of Cambodia almost all the time, and at first I used to view them as beautiful creations of God, or cute little birds, or freaky ancestors of Tyrannosaurus Rex's, but now whenever I see them, I just see a featherless hunk of meat hanging from a cart for us to buy and eat and enjoy. yuuuuuuuum

This week was BLASTEOUS! I got a new bike! WOOO HOOO! Which stinks because my other bike was awesome and had lights and flowers and flip flop thongs hanging from it, but this new one is good. I am going to buy stickers to write "Nimbus 2000" on it. Wish me luck! 

This week was swell because it started out with us just having a ton of leads for people who were maybe interested in the church. Tip offs from members, phone numbers from people on the street. It was like a crime movie. We had all the evidence, now just time to get down to the bottom of things! Then we went to the scene of the crime! We just contacted all the people we have tip offs of, and it turned out they were all super interested! So we have like a million people who want to learn from us now! IF ONLY THERE WERE 12 OF ME! But then we decided for church yesterday, we would just go round up a ton of peeps. So we just biked to everyone's house, and formed a giant gang to ride to church with us! Our efforts, plus just the greatness of others, made us have 9 investigators (prime suspects) and like a million other people we had been working with the whole time I have been here. So, you could say it was the best birthday of my life. The people at church here celebrated fathers day, even though its not until next week. So happy fathers day, I guess. 

But then, THE PHONE CALL. So it turns out my trainer, good ole Elder Elieson is leaving me! He is going to Phnom Penh while I stay here to lead out this area with a new companion! I get him later this week! So I am going to have to lead him around and introduce him to everyone. I am so dang nervous LAWL. So all these new people that want to learn will be in my palms. Lets not screw this one up, Elder Slavens. We'll all be good! Thanks for reading my boring emails! 

TOOTLES  

​We found a store that puts writing on shirts. So I took my onsie and put "kaut mjiat, Thiat mjaan" on it, which basically translates to YOLO 

​Look yiay Nat-more inspiring than DeAngelo Vikckers, the inspirational juggler 

I helped out the sisters and id a little baptism to their investigator. Her name is Tida and she drives a moped